Day 19~ Something You Regret

Selfishness.
Bitterness.
Holding grudges.
Keeping score.
Gaining so much weight.
Losing jobs.
Taking things for granted.

Day 18~ Your Favorite Birthday

40 is a big deal for us girls, because our Mom died when she was 39. My great-aunt Veloy died just before my 40th birthday, so I was in Tooele at Tami's house on my birthday, preparing to go up to Smithfield for the funeral. I got a makeover on my way to Tooele. Loved my new hair:) Went to see "Iron Man" at the Erda drive-in on my birthday with Tami and her kids.

Day 17~ Your Favorite Memory

My FAVORITE memory? How can a Mom of three amazing kids have a favorite memory? But one of my favorites is when the kids were standing in the rain against a wall in New York City, SO happy to be there for the first time in their lives that they refused to sit in a hotel room, but ventured out into the rain, grabbing $5 umbrellas from the gift shop on our way out the door. Ashli's pant legs were soaked clear to her knees by the end of the day, but it was an awesome day. And Zack penned the classic tune "I lost my umbrella on the subway" that day:)

Day 16~Your First Kiss

Nothing to write home about. I do remember it, but not all that fondly.

Day 15~Your Dreams

Oh my... how can I say this today? My dreams have never changed. I always wanted to be a Mom. And that's as far as I thought it through. Now my kids are grown up and they need me a little less than they used to, although they all promise they DO still need me:) So I have to find new dreams. I'm re-starting college in a couple of weeks and I guess my new dream is to be able to stand on my own, not dependent on anyone, financially or emotionally. I have a long way to go, but as I begin 2011, I take the first step toward the next phase of my life and the new dreams I find along the way.

Day 14~ An Embarrassing Moment

Christmas Time always reminds me of the first Christmas after we were married, 21 years ago. I worked full time at the Air National Guard base, and Kurt came to see me one day at work around Christmas time. I was barely pregnant with Ashli, not really even showing yet. I had worn red socks to work that day, my one and only way to rebel and have some individuality in my green uniform. For some reason, I had taken off my boots. No idea why. And I was sitting on my husband's lap, in my uniform, boots off, red socks on, when the Base Commander came walking through my office. I was SO embarrassed. He'd never been in my office before or since. But he was very cool about it. I jumped up and saluted him and he wished me a Merry Christmas in my festive red and green attire.

Sunday Snippets

I got up way too early this morning and Church doesn't start for another hour, so I'm blog-stalking. And thinking.

* Am I the only person on earth who is COMPLETELY grossed out by bathing children in the kitchen sink? The thought of a dirty bum in the place where I'm going to be washing my dishes later is just really appalling to me. But everyone seems to do it. Rest assured that my grandkids will never be bathed in my kitchen sink. Just me, I guess.

* Where do the people on the street corners find the black markers that they make their cardboard signs with? I cannot EVER find a decent Sharpie around here when I need one and you can read their signs from 30 feet away. Go figure.

Happy Sunday:) 13 days til Christmas:)

Day 13~ This Week

What a busy week I've had! I'm working at Wal-Mart in the Garden Center/Seasonal Department, so we're VERY busy this time of year! When I get to work, I basically just start getting freight from the back room and find spots to fit it all onto the sales floor while still making it look pretty.

I'm getting pretty good with the pallet jack, too:) Which is quite an accomplishment for me, since I'm not the greatest driver to begin with!

I did apply for a job out at Dugway Proving Grounds this past week. Since I'm getting so proficient on the pallet jack, I figured I'd try to jump to the forklift next! Plus it pays twice what I make at Wal-Mart and I'd have Fridays-Sundays off:) Haven't heard yet who they selected for the position.

This week I also put the Christmas tree up and got the "24 days" tree done. It's the way we countdown to Christmas, with 24 packages of cellophane wrapped rolos and M&M's on a tree that my BIL Dave made for me. We usually have different amounts of cash wrapped in each package, but cash is not readily available this year, so I bought some little $1 stocking stuffer type things and with each day, there is a number taped to the bottom of the cellophane, corresponding to a wrapped gift. So far, Tyler has received mechanical pencils, a light-up yo-yo, some cookies, and some twisty Christmas straws. Kind of fun. I'm starting a lot of new traditions this year and I think Christmas will be fun even without a lot of money and with all of the changes going on in our lives and in our world now.

Days 10-12

I'm combining a few days here. I've been a terrible blogger the past little while. So, let's say yesterday was Day 10. It was my first day off from my new job at the Payson Wal-Mart in a while, so I stayed in PJ's all day!! It was awesome:) Lime green knit pants and a hot pink nightshirt that says "Mommy is taking a time-out". Great day!

Day 11~ What you Ate Today. So far I've some popcorn left over from last night and a mini snickers. It's 10:00 so I imagine I'll have lunch in a couple hours. Soup and a peanut butter sandwich, I'm thinking.

Day 12~ What's in Your Bag? I've moved everything into this little lunch bag that I take to Wal-Mart, so it contains:

A bottled water
The conference issue of the Ensign
A ziploc bag of frosted mini wheats cereal
A box of Great Value crackers
A can of cheddar cheese spread
My Subway card (the sandwich place, not the public transportation)
Some change
Three dollars
A checkbook
My amazing boxcutter knife issued by Wal-Mart. It has a holster and everything. LOVE my knife:)
My Wal-Mart name badge
An extra pair of socks
Some baby wipes
Three pens
Some notepaper
My Ipod

Day 9 ~ Your Beliefs

We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.

We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.

We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.

We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.

We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.

We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.

We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.

We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.

We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

http://www.lds.org/

Day 8~ A Moment

Before Ashli and Mack got engaged, she had his car over at college in Ephraim. One snowy night while driving home to Nephi, she went off the road, through a barbed wire fence, taking out two fence posts, and ending up in the middle of a snowy field. I was ahead of her in the van, and when she didn't show up, didn't show up, I went back to see where she was. I called Mack, and when he arrived on the scene, I had "A Moment". He parked across the road, ran over to Ashli and just held her in his arms. He was a 19 year old kid, and he didn't even glance at his car to see what kind of damage had been done. He just held my little girl, and she broke down in tears. I had never seen love like that before and I knew then that I'd lost her. They were married less than a year later.

~ Aunt Joey~

My Aunt JoAnne passed away this morning. I'm still in shock. All day I've been thinking it just can't be true. There are so many conversations that we never had. Things I thought we would sit down and say one day. And now "one day" will never come. Every single memory from my childhood has Joey and her kids in it. We were inseparable. We did everything together from Sunday dinners to Christmas Eve to summer vacations. When I was a little girl, I thought she was elegant. She dressed well, smelled good and knew just how to do Melissa's beautiful hair. When I was a teenager, I borrowed her clothes and her shoes, and when I broke the heel of her favorite black pumps, I thought she was going to kill me. She never did find a pair she liked as well as those. That's one of the conversations we never had. Joey, I'm sorry. For so many things. Thank you. For so many things. I love you. I'm sorry I haven't told you that for many, many years. I always thought I would tell you one day. During one of those conversations we were going to have. One day. Thank you for bringing my cousins into this world and for loving their children the way I know my Mom would have loved mine. Thank you for calling my baby sister last week and for taking her a gift when Lincoln was born. Thank you for making an effort to stay in touch with us even when we were all so busy and wrapped up in our lives that we didn't spend as much time with you as we should have. Thank you for buying us dresses and black patent shoes when we were little. You knew it was important. Thank you. Thank you for sitting us down at Sizzler and telling us we were too young to get married. We got married anyway. But thank you for worrying, for caring. Thank you for taking care of my sister-in-law when she was still with us. You weren't related to Teri, but you treated her like one of the family. Thank you.

And here is Joey with my Grandma at the birthday bash Joey planned to celebrate Grandma's 80th year on this earth. Grandma had lost her 2nd child 10 months prior to the party. And now she's lost her 3rd child. Along with 8 of her 9 brothers and sisters. Her parents. Her husband. Her 17 year old granddaughter. My heart absolutely breaks over and over again today for my dear Grandma. I will never understand why the hardest things happen to the strongest people. It doesn't seem fair that my Grandma has said goodbye to so many loved ones. She amazes me. When I called her this morning, we were both sobbing so hard we couldn't even understand what we were trying to say to each other. She's been through so much. And loved Joey so much. If anyone hurt JoAnne, they were NEVER forgiven by her Mama.

Joey, Grandma and some of the grandkids... There are so many wrapped in this hug, I can't tell who all is there...

Joey was always good to my Dad after Mom died. Her she is with my Dad and my cute little Granny, my Dad's Mom. We lost Granny last year on Thanksgiving Day. I hate November.

My Mom died on November 24, 1987. And now she has her little sister there with her. I'm actually a little bit jealous that Joey gets to see her again.


Because this man loved them enough to give them an eternal family. My Mom was 8 and Joey was 6 when Grandma met Larry Swenson. My biological grandfather, Ray Freston, and Grandma Becca divorced at a time when it was rare and very difficult for single women. But Grandpa came along and raised Becky and Joey as his own. When Ray passed away in 1977, Grandpa took a very pregnant Becky and a very pregnant JoAnne to the judge's chambers and adopted them, even though they were both grown up and married with families of their own. It was just a formality. They were his girls all along. And now he has them both, back with him where they always belonged. Grandpa left this earth on September 14, 1998, at 86 years of age.

Along with the boy they called their baby brother even though he was 6 1/2 feet tall. Marv died of leukemia on October 2, 2005. He didn't talk about his feelings much at all, but at Grandpa's funeral, he said something along the lines that his Dad was probably sitting on a porch swing with Becky. I like to think there are a few of them on that swing now.

And the only thing that has made me smile at all today is the thought of the reunion JoAnne had with her baby girl, Anna. Marianna died in a car accident when she was 17 years old~on April 19, 1999~and Joey was never the same. She talked about Anna all the time, and visited her grave often. And now the two of them will flit off to California to check on Maksi and the Sinkliers, walk along the beach and listen to Bono. For Joey, I am happy. I am certain she was welcomed by a crowd of people who have been waiting a long time to see her. For Zeke, John and all of the others who loved her so very much, I am sad. Thank you for what you brought to my life, Joey. I'll tell you. One day.

Day 6-7

I decided to combine these days.. the topic for Day 6 is "Your Husband/Boyfriend" and Day 7 is "Your Definition on Love"

After 21 1/2 years of marriage, and 42 years of love, I think I've come to realize that love really is completely unconditional. Love means giving without wishing for anything in return. I haven't mastered this yet. I need to give more unconditional love, be completely selfless and be unafraid to love, without keeping score.

Love is Ashli's little dog jumping up and attacking her the minute she walks in the door, simply because she is happy to see Ashli. Love is Ashli holding the puppy on her lap all the way home from Grantsville after she threw up all over Ashli's car and clothes after a few too many treats.

I don't think love ever ends or it wasn't love in the first place. If love is returned, that is just a beautiful bonus, but not a condition for loving in the first place.

I'm working on it. So if I shower you with love over the next few weeks as I strive to be more loving, humor me. I'm not expecting anything in return:)

Day 5 ~ Your Best Friend

Day 4 ~ Tawni aka Puggy

Not really sure why Paul started calling Tawni "Pug", but that's her.. Pug, Puggy, Puglet.

Love my baby sister. She and Mark tried for so long to have their first baby and we were all so worried that she wouldn't be able to have kids. Now she has her hands full with her three little boys and she's a great Mom:) Tawni is a gentle soul and a sweet, loving girl. She was born on Paul's birthday and they've always had a special bond. So glad Mom and Dad decided to have just one more baby!

Day 4 ~ Tara

Tara, Ted and Sally...

Everytime Tara got a new doll, she named her Sally.

We always knew she would be a good Mom:)

When Tara was born, I totally adopted her. I did everything with that gorgeous little blond, blue-eyed baby girl. I even took her on dates with me until she ran away from us one busy Christmas season at a very crowded Temple Square. I love my little sister. I love what a great Mom she is. Nobody in this family is a "step" child. They're all just "the kids" and every decision ever made is for all 7 of them. So, in spite of the fact that she named the nephew of a die-hard Yankees fan "Boston" and she supports the University of Utah Utes, I love Tara with all my heart:)

Day 4- Ted

I guess my parents ran out of people in the family to name their kids after by the 5th one. So my baby brother Robert Ted Callister was named after Mom's obstetrician, Robert Romney and our pediatrician, Ted Evans. lol. Ted's always been so funny. Keeps us all laughing. It's hard to stay mad at him because he ends up making us smile through our gritted teeth. He's got a beautiful little family and I'm so happy for him, Joey, Mikayla and Bowie. My favorite memory of Ted is that he hated going to school. Mom was pregnant every couple of years, so Ted would climb the neighbor's tree after the big kids went to school and there was no way our pregnant Mom could climb the tree and get him down. Not sure how she ever got him down, or IF she did, until school let out that afternoon. Little stinker. She probably couldn't stay mad at him, either!

Day 4 - Steven aka Hig

If you called my Dad's house and asked for Steven, everyone would be looking for Tara's husband. This is Hig. Not sure when it started but it stuck. He has the kindest heart of any of my brothers and sisters. It used to break his heart when Kurt & I or Tami & Dave would argue after we got married. I've never heard him say an unkind thing to or about any of us. We don't see much of him anymore, maybe a couple of times a year. But it's always awesome to see him. Hig has had a lot of heartbreak in his life, losing friends and loved ones to death at young ages, and I think he protects his heart very carefully. He's never been married, although he's had some great women in his life over the years. I don't THINK he has any children, but he'd be a great, loving, compassionate Dad. I love this guy with all my heart and I pray every day for peace and happiness to follow him throughout his life.

Day 4- Paul aka Wog

Although he's 4 years younger than me, Paul has always seemed like my big brother. He has always been strong and determined in everything he does. Mom called him "Pauly Wog" and he ended up as Wog or Woggy, which we still call him today. My favorite thing about Paul and Michelle is that they just don't fit anybody's mold. They create their own path and allow their girls the freedom to do the same. I love that about them:) Paul is so good to me and my children and we all think the world of him. He's a good man. A good father. A great brother. And I love him more every single year.

Day 4- Tami

Today's blog topic is "Your Siblings", but since I have 6 of them, I'll break it down into more than one post. Tami is our Mom. She takes care of us all, even though I'm the oldest. She would do anything for any of us, and if we needed anything, Tami would be out the door before we even got off the phone, ready to take care of whatever the problem is.

She's a GREAT Mom, and nobody better hurt her kids or there WILL be hell to pay!

We call her BaBa because, for some reason, that's what Ashli called her when she was a baby and it stuck. BaBa it is:)

She's a marathon runner, and I'm excited to see her wear her 80's costume in the Provo half-marathon at the end of October. I love this girl. I'm jealous of her most of the time, but I adore her and I'm super proud to call her my little sister!

Day 3

The blog topic for today is "Your Parents" so I'm re-posting an old post about my Mom. But I better add something about my Dad, too!!!

My Dad never forgets a birthday, anniversary or Valentine's Day.. He never fails to send a card to me, Kurt and the kids, complete with one of his ink stamps in the bottom corner by his signature. He sends facebook hearts, hugs and smiles every day. He's very talented. He can fix anything and we never had to call anyone from a plumber to a building contractor when I was growing up. He built the addition to our home, sewed a 3-piece suit and has rebuilt countless vehicles from the engine to the paint job. He is an amazing woodworker, and I love the gifts he creates for me.

When people tell me "You remind me of your Mom", I know it's just my physical appearance. Noone ever really stops and tells me "You remind me of your Mom because..." Here's what I'd like to hear...

Becky Callister was a passionate person. She loved, laughed, cried all with the same intensity. I inherited that from her. Tami inherited that from her. We do nothing halfway. When I'm mad, I'm not just a little upset... I'm MAD!! When I like a Christmas gift, I don't just smile and say "Thank you". I jump up and squeal and scream and act like it's the most amazing gift I've ever received.

Becky Callister was an avid sports fan. If we couldn't find her at Grandma's house, we'd check the ball park. She donated countless hours to Bobby Sox and Little League. She used to ump games and they'd give her one hamburger from the snack bar for every game she umped. So she'd stand there behind home plate on a Saturday, game after game, in the hot sun, until she got a hamburger for each of us kids.

All of Becky's kids have spent more than one summer vacation at softball or baseball tournaments with our own kids.

When I see Tami, Tara, Paul and Ted at ball games with their kids, weekend after weekend all summer, I remember Mom and Grandma Becca doing the same thing.

When we were younger, before cable TV and the Turner networks, you either liked the Dodgers or the Yankees, because they were the only teams you ever saw play on TV. So, Mom was a Yankees fan, Grandma Becca was a Yankees fan, I married a Yankees fan and gave birth to three little Yankees fans.

Even Tara and Tawni's kids are getting old enough to play ball now.

Zack bought Logan his first baseball bat for his birthday this year. Mom would be so proud:)

My Mom was always too busy taking care of other people to take care of herself. I don't think I ever saw her wearing makeup. When she'd need to get her hair done, she'd have Judy Ault cut it short and perm it so it was low maintenance. She was just too busy to worry about hair and makeup when there were places to go, people to see and kids to watch at ball games or spelling bees. Until she got sick, I don't remember seeing my Mom actually sleeping. Sometimes she'd doze off in a chair, but she was always up before me and in bed sometime after I went to sleep.

My Mom taught me my first Primary song- "The Golden Plates"- and taught me that Families can be together forever. She got me hooked on Saturday's Warrior and I have those songs on my iPod today.

She taught me that the greatest gift God ever gave her was her children. Because of her love for us all, I couldn't wait to be a Mom myself someday.

She had a laundry basket full of unmatched socks. Yup, I do, too. I know I should throw them away, but I keep thinking the mate will turn up somewhere.

She had a hard time letting go of me. I moved up to Weber State to start college, and she showed up two days later to "check on me". I was SO mad!! Man, I'd like to have that day back. I get it now. It's hard to let go of your daughter. I inherited that from my Mom.





My Mom passed away 22 years ago. I still miss her so much sometimes. I know she'd have been an awesome Grandma, and she would have loved my husband. She'd be proud of all of her kids and grandkids and I like to believe our babies will get to meet her someday.

Day 2

FIRST LOVE...

So the blog topic for today is "Your First Love".

No doubt about it, my first love was Shaun Cassidy. This very album cover.

I glued pictures of him (from Tiger Beat magazine) to my unfinished bedroom ceiling.

Cori Naylor and I used to pray at night that we'd dream about him when we fell asleep.

Apparently my First Love turned 52 years old last week...

I think a goatee and a pair of shades would probably help at this point!

Day 1

INTRODUCTION

Yeah... this picture provides a pretty good introduction to me!

What? Why? When? Where? How?

My full name is Tina Rebecca Allred, which I LOVE because I'm the 7th generation of "Rebeccas" in my family. First born daughters are given the name of Rebecca, and my daughter, Ashli Rebecca Allred Brown is the 8th:)

I'm.. ok... 42 years old!!! I simply cannot keep saying I'm 29 since Ashli is now 20.

I've been married to Kurt for 21 years and we have three A.MAY.ZING children, one AWE.SOME son-in-law and a great dog. You'll hear more about them in the 30 days ahead, I'm sure.

I've been unemployed for 7 months and I've gained a whole new respect for people who struggle to find work. It's always been easy for me in the past. I'm sure there's a lesson from God in there somewhere... Fortunately, I have a husband who works hard to take care of us and we're getting by in these tough times.

So there's the short version intro...

It's nearly midnight and I'm waiting for my 16 year old son to come home so I can go to sleep! I never did wait up for Ashli and Zack, though.. just had them wake me when they got here. I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere too!

The 30 Day List

My cute little cousins are doing this 30 day thing on their blogs and I like it, so I think I'll join them!
Day 1 - Introduction
Day 2 - Your First Love
Day 3 - Your Parents
Day 4 - Your Siblings
Day 5 -Your Best Friend
Day 6 - Your Husband/Boyfriend
Day 7 -Your definition on Love
Day 8 - A moment
Day 9 - Your Beliefs
Day 10 - What you Wore Today
Day 11 -What you Ate Today
Day 12 - What's in Your Bag?
Day 13 - This Week
Day 14 -An Embarrassing Moment
Day 15 - Your Dreams
Day 16 - Your First Kiss
Day 17 - Your Favorite Memory
Day 18 - Your Favorite Birthday
Day 19 - Something you Regret
Day 20 - This Month
Day 21 - Something that upsets you
Day 22 - Something that makes you feel better
Day 23 - Something that makes you cry
Day 24- Something that makes you angry
Day 25 - A First
Day 26 - Your Fears
Day 27 - Your Favorite Place
Day 28 - Something that you Miss
Day 29 - Your Aspirations
Day 30 - One Last Moment

I'm Torn...

I'm having a tough week... the suicide of the gay Rutgers University student really broke my heart. Life is hard enough when you're 18-25 years old.. Heck, life is hard enough when you're 1-100 years old-without the absolute trauma this kid went through. I know I'm getting old and I sound like our grandparents here, but the kid shouldn't have been having sex with anyone, male or female, so I'm setting that aside. Sex should be, if not in marriage, at the very least in some sort of committed monogamous relationship. It shouldn't be with one person tonight and a different person tomorrow and so on. BUT.... he shouldn't have died for it. He shouldn't have been so publicly humiliated and I would like to see those who filmed him be charged with murder. I would.

And then as I settled in for the weekend to enjoy messages from our church leaders at General Conference, I heard Elder Boyd K Packer's talk and I just didn't get a warm fuzzy feeling as I listened to him. I can't help but think Christ would want to show love for ALL of us if he were here. I have no idea how I feel about gay marriage. I know how I feel about gay PEOPLE.. I LOVE them! Most of my gay friends are amazing people.. loving, kind, super TALENTED. (Why is that? They seem to have more talent than the entire heterosexual world put together.) Many of them are in committed relationships, raising children in a loving home. So, I'm conflicted. Am I the only Latter Day Saint who isn't 100% on board with this issue? I've never felt this way before. I was raised to believe that "whether by My own voice or by the voice of My servants, it is the same", so I'm really struggling with this. I absolutely believe that the family is essential. We all need to be committed to family living and I hate to see marriages crumbling all around me. But.... not every family has a Mom and a Dad. I really need some enlightenment here.

Day of Reflection

September 11, 2010

I'm addicted to facebook. I don't want to be. Sometimes I try to walk away for a day or two to prove to myself that I can, the same way I give up caffeine for a while just to prove that I can. But this morning, I had absolutely no desire to harvest my crops or chat with old friends or snoop into the lives of other people. I didn't log onto facebook until after the coverage from Ground Zero of the reading of the names. And even then I just wasn't into it. I saw a link to a video tribute set to the song "Have You Forgotten?". I shared the link, too, then logged off facebook until a few minutes ago. When I got back on, my sweet, adorable, honest cousin had commented on my link, something along the lines of "No, I haven't forgotten, but I don't need these grim images to remind me." I was taken aback, and thought I'd better watch the whole video. So, I did. There were images of bodies in midair, people who had flung themselves from the top floors of the Trade Center rather than face whatever horror was up there. The images were in poor taste, and I feel terrible that I was a party to sharing it on facebook. So I deleted the link from my profile and spent some time thinking about what I want to remember about September 11.

It's time to heal. That's how I feel. It was a tragic, horrific, devastating day in the history of the United States of America. The repercussions of that day are being felt now, nearly a decade later, and will continue to be felt for decades to come. I shed tears every year when I am reminded of the horror of that day. But the horror continues for innocent people day after day; soldiers and civilians continue to die daily as a result of September 11, 2001. Those who were physically responsible for the devastation of that day are dead. They can never be punished. So we continue to try and end terrorism on a global level. Will we EVER end terrorism? Of course not. Terrorists believe they are on a mission from God, the same way millions of others believe they are on a mission from God in many different ways. I'm weary of war. I'm weary of partisanism. I'm weary of discord. Michelle Obama and Laura Bush were together in Pennsylvania this morning, and when Fox News cut away from Mrs Obama's speech, I was upset. She had brought me to tears with her thoughtful words and the people on "my side" cut away, much the way CNN probably cut away from Laura Bush. I'm tired of this. Is Barack Obama a Muslim or a Christian? Is there going to be a Mosque near Ground Zero? Who cares? Ted Bundy was a Mormon. Does that mean no Mormon Temple should ever be built near a college campus? I don't blame every Muslim for the choices of a few.

I'm home alone tonight, watching "United 93"and "World Trade Center"on DVD. So I went to 7-11 for a diet dr pepper. As I pulled into the parking lot, I had the disrespectful thought that here I was, supporting the Middle Eastern owners of 7-11 on 9-11. Sure enough, the guy behind the counter was of Middle Eastern descent. There was a cute family in front of me in line, and the little 2 year old boy grabbed some candy from the bottom shelf. The Mom and Dad looked at each other, and shook their heads, and I knew they didn't have enough money for the candy. The (Muslim?) guy behind the counter said, "No, get the candy. I'll give you the coffee for free." Ah! And there it is. We are not Muslims or Mormons or Democrats or Republicans. We're humans. With faults and strengths, good and bad. Time to heal.

Thursday Night Lights

I LOVE watching Tyler play football this year! He's on the Juab JV squad, so his games are played on Thursday nights, and it's a great way to kick off the weekend:) Ty played both offensive and defensive line last night and he played SO WELL! The best game he's ever had, seriously. Juab beat Payson 21-6, and I was so proud of Ty:)

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I love living in a small town. If you go to the grocery store or gas station on game day, you'll see a variety of people in the newest Juab Football t-shirt, hoodie or hat. It's a big fundraiser every year, and the boys have to be pretty competitive to get their 15 sales before the other football players beat them to it.

Last night at Ty's game, I looked around and saw some people who keep attending every sports event at the high school even though their kids have all graduated. I love that. Reminds me of little Bobby out in Grantsville, the most loyal Cowboys fan ever.

I saw people I actually haven't seen for a while, and was saddened to realize that I didn't recognize two people I've known for years. They've aged so much, they're not in the best health, and I couldn't help but think of them 10-15 years ago when they were full of energy, witty, funny and so much younger. I saw a lady that I thought was about my age holding a baby, and I asked Ashli if that was her grandchild. She laughed and said no, it was her baby, and that she is atleast ten years younger than me. Ugh!! I really do think I'm 29, don't I?

Ashli had her little dog there at the game, and everyone from little 3 year old children to grandmas and grandpas stopped to pet her and subsequently talk with me and Ashli for a few minutes. Ashli is amazed at how many people here in Utah say "Don't you have kids yet?" after she has only been married a year! It's definitely the required next step around here, and apparently the sooner the better, if the joking with her in the football stands is any indication.

I love walking out the gates and having people stop to tell me what great kids I have. Two different parents stopped me last night to tell me how glad they are that Tyler hangs out with their kids. Awe.. I can't take any credit for what a great kid he is, but I'd trade any amount of money and success to hear that kind of thing about the kids raised in our home:)

And most of all, I love that Kaitlyn ran to catch me and give me a hug as I was leaving the game. Kids are SO awesome! And the kids in this town are especially amazing. I know there are problems, but you just don't see the cliques and stuff that go on in other towns. One of the freshmen football players was sitting in front of us during the JV game, and the rest of the freshmen team called over to him to come sit with them. Ah.. love to see stuff like that.

Reading is Fundamental

Remember when we were younger and there were only like 5 TV channels TOTAL, two of them being PBS? I remember the Reading is Fundamental commercials and was happy to see that this program is still in existence today.

I LOVE to read! Right now I am actually reading three different books at the same time...

Jana's Journal by Jeannette Windle was on sale for 25 cents at FYE about a month ago, so I picked it up. I don't read it a lot.. a few pages a week. It's a pretty good book.... aimed toward much younger readers than myself, but the style of book I always imagined I would write someday.

I've been reading the first book in the Vampire Academy series by Richelle Mead. I loved the Twilight series mostly because Stephenie Meyer is an LDS author who went to BYU. If she can do it, anyone can! Stephenie Meyer makes me believe in dreams. Her books definitely started a trend among authors, though, this series being one of them. So I'm reading about dhampirs, guardians and so on in this series. I was reading a couple chapters a day until yesterday when Ashli brought me Catching Fire,

the second book in The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. CANNOT put it down! But I'm at the end of Chapter 12 in Catching Fire, and I'm furious at what is happening! So I took a little break, did some housecleaning and some blogging while I take a breath before I get back to the book. The third book in the series came out last week, and since Ashli, Tyler and I are all reading the series, maybe we can all pitch in and buy the hardcover edition since paperbacks won't be out for a while. Ah.. I LOVE to read!

Odds and Ends

I'm not sure we've EVER had a matching full set of silverware in our house. As a result, all of us somehow ended up with our favorite fork. Ashli's had a wooden handle and we think it fell behind the stove a few years ago, but we never did find it even when we put in a wood floor and moved the appliances out.

Kurt's has a blue handle and it was lost for a long time, too. But I found it one day under the shoe rack in our closet along with a plate... apparently he had hurriedly stashed it there when he heard me coming down the hall ..in an effort to hide the fact that he was eating messy, greasy enchiladas in the bedroom.

Tyler likes the one with rounded edges on the handle and if there is a drawer full of clean forks, but that one is dirty, he will wash that one fork in order to use it.

But of us all, Zack is the most loyal to his fork, a tiny little fork with an intricate design on the handle. I actually think it belongs to a set of Kurt's Moms and we ended up with it somehow, but Zack loves it. When Mack married into the family, one of the first "rules" he learned was NOT to use Zack's fork when he ate at our house. So... Zack moved to college last week.. and took his fork with him. Tonight when I washed the dishes and put Tyler and Kurt's forks in the drawer, I was way sad that Zack's wasn't there. I miss him. And his fork.

Collage

So the other day I was thinking about some of the things that define who I am~both good and bad experiences that have molded me. Most of it is too personal to blog about, but I made a collage of some of the things that have played a big role in shaping the Me I am today. There are days when I look in the mirror and like what I see, and days when I don't. But I am grateful for the character-building moments that I've had and continue to have. Sometimes when things are really tough, I think I absolutely CANNOT handle one more challenge. Then another challenge comes along, and you know what? I handle it:) Fortunately for me I have some AMAZING people in my corner who are always on my side, even when I don't deserve it. Thank you to everyone who has played a part in my life in one way or another, and especially to those who have hung around long enough to see how the collage looks today.

~Sons~

I've been thinking a lot about the men in my life lately, and particularly my sons. My oldest son, Zack, moved to Ephraim to attend Snow College last Saturday. And, my GOSH, it was harder than I thought it would be. I'm so proud of him, but can't help but be sad that he's all grown up now.

Tyler is working SO hard at football this year. Tomorrow is his first game, and I CAN'T WAIT to see him play! I'll be wearing my Juab football tshirt all day:)

And of course there is Dixie's son, Kurt. She tells me all the time how proud she is of the man he has become.

And Becky's son, Paul aka Woggy... I LOVE this man more every single year. My brother is an amazing man and I am so proud to be his sister.

And all three of Tawni's sons... Logan, Landen and Lincoln:) Tawni spent years trying to get pregnant after she and Mark got married. We were all so worried that she'd never have the blessing of being a Mom, which would have been devastating. She is the sweetest, most patient among the four of us sisters, and she was born to be a Mother. So, when she finally got pregnant with Logan, we were SO excited! And along came two more adorable sons. They're such a cute family:)

I didn't get any pictures of my other nephews in this blog, but they're all amazing. Sissy wrote this on a card to Tawni when Lincoln was born, and it touched my heart so deeply. It's really personal to our family how much we all love Stephen's son, Aaron. He and Aaron's mom divorced when Aaron and Brittany were very young, and Tara and Stephen spent many, many years and many thousands of dollars trying to get the kids back here in Utah. They are finally here, and it's been so hard for Aaron to really figure out where he wants to be-- here or with his mom.

He'll be 18 in a couple months, and I pray that life brings him all of the opportunities and blessings that he deserves. I love him so much.

An Amazing Day

SO.... I know I brag about this amazing family A LOT! But, seriously, how blessed am I?

They're all beautiful, inside and out. But today they were exceptionally beautiful. Kurt and Zack have been working in Blanding, Utah, since about March. They do come home occasionally for a couple days at a time, and we've all been to Blanding a few times this summer, but our family has not been all together in church for months. Well, today was the last Sunday before Zack goes to college in Ephraim, Utah. He moves next Saturday. So, when we all arrived at the church this morning for Sacrament meeting, it meant a lot to me to have us all there.. together. And then...there were no Priests sitting at the Sacrament table. Our ward has threePriests at a time, all of them preparing the bread and two of them offering the blessings on the Sacrament. Well, my husband, Kurt, is the 1st counselor in the Young Mens' Presidency and Zack and Tyler were the only Priests at the meeting today, so the three of them went up to the Sacrament table. Oh WOW!! I looked up to the front of the chapel and saw all of the men in my family sitting there together to bless the Sacrament and I was absolutely overwhelmed. With love and pride and just a sense of peace and security that I am surrounded by this Priesthood power in my home. That all of the men under my roof are worthy to sit together and perform a Priesthood ordinance is amazing, humbling, awe-inspiring. I just can't put it into words. I'm proud of them for so many things, but this is probably the top of the list. I have the life I always dreamed of. Wow. I love these guys...

The first fish Tyler ever caught.. probably about 1997.

Kurt could have made more money working somewhere else all these years, but it was important to us that he have free time to coach the kids in sports and be there for the important events in their lives. We wouldn't trade it for anything.

I love that Kurt works with the Young Men in the Church, so our boys can see him honor his Priesthood and look to him for guidance throughout their lives.

How lucky am I to live with these guys?

But.. I'm going to miss Zack SO MUCH! Just the other day, we were praying that he'd live through the night in the NICU and now he's off to college! I'm so proud of him and the man he is.

And so honored that I get to be the woman in their lives, atleast for now:)