Rylee Ann

Brace yourself... this is going to be a long one.

Ken's daughter went to the hospital Sunday night to get induced Monday morning, which was her due date. She was on Pitocin all day Monday, and never got beyond a 2, so they decided to do a c-section Tuesday morning at 8:00. The doctor finally got to the hospital at 10:00 and they decided to do it at 4:00 that afternoon. It's a small hospital and apparently the operating room was still in use from a 2:00 exploratory surgery so they pushed the c-section to 6:40 PM, following yet another surgery.. an emergency removal of a "foreign object". We have no idea what the foreign object was. I had to work at 6:00, and we called to have someone cover for me, but noone was available to do it. So I went to work and waited to hear from Ken.

At 6:48, I got the text that she was here!

8 pounds 3 ounces, 19 1/2 inches, tons of hair. Mom and baby doing great. Woohoo!!!!

Isn't she exquisite?? Just perfect.

Reminds me so much of Ashli when she was born.

And that brings me to this....

Our families, Ken and mine both, have been through HELL this past year. I never, ever imagined that anyone other than Ashli, Zack and Tyler would bring grandchildren into my life. And I feel disloyal to them getting excited about the birth of this beautiful baby girl.

But my husband is so proud and I love him so much and I can't help but be so glad that Rylee is a part of our lives. It's so complicated and I hate my ex-husband for putting us all in a position where it has to be difficult. Ken is in the same position. His ex-wife wasn't welcome at the hospital the past few days. And it broke my heart for her, even though I understand why her family feels the way they do. She married the guy she started seeing when she was married to Ken, and her kids are dealing with the breakup of their family in the best way each of them can. Ironically, Ken and I are doing the best of all of us in this whole thing, and we were the ones whose lives were destroyed by our former spouses just a year ago.

Ken is amazing. He has 9 kids now, including mine, and only 3 of them are his actual biological kids. But he loves them all exactly the same. Yesterday when he was leaving his daughter's room for the last time before she went to surgery, he kissed her forehead and I was flooded with emotion. He's been in her life since she was a little girl, and it's been a rocky road sometimes. He loves her so much, and he's such a great Dad to all of the kids. I'm so blessed to have met him and married him and I love being a part of his family, even when I don't know exactly where I fit in sometimes.

Now back to Rylee..

She's so alert, isn't she?

Beautiful baby.

And this is my favorite of all the pictures they took last night. I love the way she looks at her Dad. I would never have imagined he'd be so cute with a girl. He and the boys are all boy and this is a side of him I love.

Ah... here goes the rest of our lives.

Still some curves ahead, but we're finding our normal one step at a time.

63:47

So I told Momma Jeanie that I'm having a bad week and that's why I haven't been blogging much. People are expecting me to be strong and positive, and sometimes I'm just NOT very STRONG or very POSITIVE.

But I'm blogging anyway.

Everyone gives me advice on how to get through the bad days.

There's the married guy who thinks I would benefit greatly by meeting him for lunch.

Uh.. NO!!!!!

I'm not exactly Kate Beckinsale, but I still think it would hurt his wife if she found out he was having lunch with an old girlfriend.

Many people tell me I would benefit greatly from getting drunk.

I've never been drunk.

But what's the point in starting now?

I made it this far in life without it.

And raised some pretty dang good kids as a sober Mom.

Guess I'll keep being a teetotaler.

Lots and lots of people think I need to explore options other than my LDS faith.

That's a thought for another day. For now..... these are the solutions I've found to help me get through the bad days.

Ashli took me to get my first massage on Mothers' Day weekend.

AMAZING!

Pretty sure I'm hooked now.

And today I decided to take the 7 minute journey over to the Manti temple for a session.

Oh wow.

Just driving toward it, you can see the building from a few miles back....

and I KNEW I was headed in the right direction:)

The Boswells pulled into the parking lot behind me, but I didn't get a chance to talk to them.

Brother Slack was the first person I saw as I walked down the hall past the front desk.

Ah... everything felt right in the world in that moment.

The session was beautiful. Amazing.

I was in the right place.

In the celestial room, I cried.

A lot.

But I realized that in the end, my salvation is totally dependent on

ME alone.

I might or might not have an eternal companion.

But I did everything I could to make that happen.

And he has his own free agency.

It's time for me to just be a great Mom.

And live my life in a way that my kids can be proud of.

I haven't been much of a Mom lately.

I've been needy and emotional

And they've had to take care of me.

I'm ready to take care of them again.

In the celestial room, I opened the scriptures and they fell open to

D&C 63:47.

I loved this, because Tyler's football numbers have been 47 and 63 his whole life:)

The scripture reads:

"He that is faithful and endureth shall overcome the world."

Love it:)