Tina’s Tribe

I had a double mastectomy on April 25 at American Fork Hospital by Dr Jennifer Tittensor. Dr Mark Jensen placed expanders at the same time to prepare for breast reconstruction surgery which will take place in a few months. A sentinel node biopsy showed no cancer cells in the lymph nodes, but we won't be out of the woods until final test results come in next week. Hopes and prayers that radiation and chemotherapy will not be part of my treatment needs. 

My family was AMAZING!!!! We were told that only two adults and absolutely no children could be in the waiting room during my surgery, so my husband Ken planned to be there, and my daughter Ashli would join him after she dropped her two little boys off with their other grandma. When I got to the hospital, however, I had a whole tribe waiting for me. All dressed in matching t-shirts, holding flowers that they each handed to me. My mom had seven children when she died at age 39 of breast cancer. My dad never remarried. All of my siblings but one were there at the hospital, and my sweet dad was at the head of the line. All of my children, their spouses, all of my grandchildren. Those who couldn't attend in person posted pictures on facebook of them wearing pink for me the day of my surgery. I am so blessed to have this amazing family. 

For my single friends

Lots of my friends have found themselves alone lately. Single after being married for a long time to men they loved and wanted to spend their whole lives with, eternity with even. I hate watching them struggle and hurt. Because I so clearly remember every tear I shed and every night I laid alone in my little twin bed in my little apartment in Nephi, wishing I were home in my big bed with my husband whom I still loved even after everything. I have no idea why the Lord decided that after 7 months, I had struggled long enough. Why I get to be the lucky one who found Ken. I wasn't the skinniest or the prettiest or even the sweetest girl out on the market at the time, so why did he choose me? Why do I get to be so happy when so many of my single friends haven't found this happiness yet? 

 I think the answer has everything to do with my Heavenly Father and the prayers offered by SO many people who love me on my behalf. I could never have found Ken if he wasn't a man who loved his Heavenly Father and could see something in me that the rest of the world couldn't see. People throw the term "soul mates" around, but there's something to be said for a love that sees beyond everything else and into your soul. The soul of this man found the soul of this woman and everything else fell into place. I've never been loved like this. Not when I was 125 pounds or 20 years old or becoming a Mom three times. It's when I'm an older, heavier grandma that I get to have this. 

 And it's because I looked for a man who would give me this. Take me to the temple. Give me priesthood blessings when I need them. Ordain my son an Elder. It was important to me. It's not important to everyone. But it is to me. God knew that. And he sent me my soul mate in the form of the cable guy. I wish all of my single friends could find this. Pray, girls. Love your Heavenly Father. Love yourself. There ARE good men out there. And when you find yours, I hope you cherish him like I do mine. I am SO blessed!!! 

I Won't Let Go

A few weeks ago, Ashli made this song her ringback tone. I like to call her just to hear it.

LOVE it:) I like to think she chose it just for me.

I have a pretty huge circle of people who stand by me.

My grandma is so cute. Not sure she'd want me to share the cute stuff she says to me, but she makes me smile.

She calls me Tina Rebecca and Ashli she calls Ashli Rebecca.

Whenever she talks to us.

We're truly loved by this lady.

Nice to be loved:)

Had a great day, btw!!!

'Night...

Day 29~ Your Aspirations

Oh, I love that these two entries are coming at the end of my 30 day list. I aspire to be a LCSW and work in a residental treatment center of some kind. Ashli and Mack work in a boys home, I have friends who work in a substance abuse center, and I just so want to work in the same type of environment. To make a difference in people's lives. I'm in college now finishing up my degree in social work, so I'm on the path to be what I want to be:)

I aspire to be happy. To look in the mirror and say "I like you!"

I aspire to fall in love again. To be loved again.

I aspire to be OK, even if I'm single for the rest of my life. Financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Day 22~ Something that Makes You Feel Better

*Zack. He makes me feel happy.
*Tyler. He makes me feel safe.
*Ashli. She makes me feel loved.

Day 8~ A Moment

Before Ashli and Mack got engaged, she had his car over at college in Ephraim. One snowy night while driving home to Nephi, she went off the road, through a barbed wire fence, taking out two fence posts, and ending up in the middle of a snowy field. I was ahead of her in the van, and when she didn't show up, didn't show up, I went back to see where she was. I called Mack, and when he arrived on the scene, I had "A Moment". He parked across the road, ran over to Ashli and just held her in his arms. He was a 19 year old kid, and he didn't even glance at his car to see what kind of damage had been done. He just held my little girl, and she broke down in tears. I had never seen love like that before and I knew then that I'd lost her. They were married less than a year later.

Day 6-7

I decided to combine these days.. the topic for Day 6 is "Your Husband/Boyfriend" and Day 7 is "Your Definition on Love"

After 21 1/2 years of marriage, and 42 years of love, I think I've come to realize that love really is completely unconditional. Love means giving without wishing for anything in return. I haven't mastered this yet. I need to give more unconditional love, be completely selfless and be unafraid to love, without keeping score.

Love is Ashli's little dog jumping up and attacking her the minute she walks in the door, simply because she is happy to see Ashli. Love is Ashli holding the puppy on her lap all the way home from Grantsville after she threw up all over Ashli's car and clothes after a few too many treats.

I don't think love ever ends or it wasn't love in the first place. If love is returned, that is just a beautiful bonus, but not a condition for loving in the first place.

I'm working on it. So if I shower you with love over the next few weeks as I strive to be more loving, humor me. I'm not expecting anything in return:)