Peace

I try to keep my blog upbeat as much as possible. Focus on the great things happening in my life right now.

Because there ARE a lot of great things happening in my life.

But some days still just suck.

Some days I still feel pretty worthless. If the person who knows me best doesn't love me anymore, how can anyone love me at all? Ever?

So last night was rough. I was feeling pretty low and sad and discouraged about the future.

On those days, I start with a prayer. Then ask God if I can talk to my Mom.

And if I'm still pretty despondent, I call someone. Usually Ashli or Tami.

They talk me through it.

I remember why it's important to keep going.

Why my life isn't over just because of the pain I'm in.

But last night, the prayer and talking to Mom were enough:)

Pretty sure Joey, Marv and Grandpa dropped by, too.

I asked God to direct me to a scripture that would help, and my Bible fell open to Isaiah 66.

"Rejoice ye with Jerusalem, and be glad with her, all ye that love her: rejoice for joy with her, all ye that mourn for her:

For thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will extend peace to her like a river....

As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you;

and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem...

And when ye see this, your heart shall rejoice.."

I'm sure there is a plan for me. I'm sure God hasn't forgotten me.

I'm sure there is still something lovable in me.

And today after work, I get to go hang out with the people who love me even though they know every single thing about me, good and bad..

My beautiful sisters:)

Yay! I NEED this.

~ Aunt Joey~

My Aunt JoAnne passed away this morning. I'm still in shock. All day I've been thinking it just can't be true. There are so many conversations that we never had. Things I thought we would sit down and say one day. And now "one day" will never come. Every single memory from my childhood has Joey and her kids in it. We were inseparable. We did everything together from Sunday dinners to Christmas Eve to summer vacations. When I was a little girl, I thought she was elegant. She dressed well, smelled good and knew just how to do Melissa's beautiful hair. When I was a teenager, I borrowed her clothes and her shoes, and when I broke the heel of her favorite black pumps, I thought she was going to kill me. She never did find a pair she liked as well as those. That's one of the conversations we never had. Joey, I'm sorry. For so many things. Thank you. For so many things. I love you. I'm sorry I haven't told you that for many, many years. I always thought I would tell you one day. During one of those conversations we were going to have. One day. Thank you for bringing my cousins into this world and for loving their children the way I know my Mom would have loved mine. Thank you for calling my baby sister last week and for taking her a gift when Lincoln was born. Thank you for making an effort to stay in touch with us even when we were all so busy and wrapped up in our lives that we didn't spend as much time with you as we should have. Thank you for buying us dresses and black patent shoes when we were little. You knew it was important. Thank you. Thank you for sitting us down at Sizzler and telling us we were too young to get married. We got married anyway. But thank you for worrying, for caring. Thank you for taking care of my sister-in-law when she was still with us. You weren't related to Teri, but you treated her like one of the family. Thank you.

And here is Joey with my Grandma at the birthday bash Joey planned to celebrate Grandma's 80th year on this earth. Grandma had lost her 2nd child 10 months prior to the party. And now she's lost her 3rd child. Along with 8 of her 9 brothers and sisters. Her parents. Her husband. Her 17 year old granddaughter. My heart absolutely breaks over and over again today for my dear Grandma. I will never understand why the hardest things happen to the strongest people. It doesn't seem fair that my Grandma has said goodbye to so many loved ones. She amazes me. When I called her this morning, we were both sobbing so hard we couldn't even understand what we were trying to say to each other. She's been through so much. And loved Joey so much. If anyone hurt JoAnne, they were NEVER forgiven by her Mama.

Joey, Grandma and some of the grandkids... There are so many wrapped in this hug, I can't tell who all is there...

Joey was always good to my Dad after Mom died. Her she is with my Dad and my cute little Granny, my Dad's Mom. We lost Granny last year on Thanksgiving Day. I hate November.

My Mom died on November 24, 1987. And now she has her little sister there with her. I'm actually a little bit jealous that Joey gets to see her again.


Because this man loved them enough to give them an eternal family. My Mom was 8 and Joey was 6 when Grandma met Larry Swenson. My biological grandfather, Ray Freston, and Grandma Becca divorced at a time when it was rare and very difficult for single women. But Grandpa came along and raised Becky and Joey as his own. When Ray passed away in 1977, Grandpa took a very pregnant Becky and a very pregnant JoAnne to the judge's chambers and adopted them, even though they were both grown up and married with families of their own. It was just a formality. They were his girls all along. And now he has them both, back with him where they always belonged. Grandpa left this earth on September 14, 1998, at 86 years of age.

Along with the boy they called their baby brother even though he was 6 1/2 feet tall. Marv died of leukemia on October 2, 2005. He didn't talk about his feelings much at all, but at Grandpa's funeral, he said something along the lines that his Dad was probably sitting on a porch swing with Becky. I like to think there are a few of them on that swing now.

And the only thing that has made me smile at all today is the thought of the reunion JoAnne had with her baby girl, Anna. Marianna died in a car accident when she was 17 years old~on April 19, 1999~and Joey was never the same. She talked about Anna all the time, and visited her grave often. And now the two of them will flit off to California to check on Maksi and the Sinkliers, walk along the beach and listen to Bono. For Joey, I am happy. I am certain she was welcomed by a crowd of people who have been waiting a long time to see her. For Zeke, John and all of the others who loved her so very much, I am sad. Thank you for what you brought to my life, Joey. I'll tell you. One day.

Day 4- Ted

I guess my parents ran out of people in the family to name their kids after by the 5th one. So my baby brother Robert Ted Callister was named after Mom's obstetrician, Robert Romney and our pediatrician, Ted Evans. lol. Ted's always been so funny. Keeps us all laughing. It's hard to stay mad at him because he ends up making us smile through our gritted teeth. He's got a beautiful little family and I'm so happy for him, Joey, Mikayla and Bowie. My favorite memory of Ted is that he hated going to school. Mom was pregnant every couple of years, so Ted would climb the neighbor's tree after the big kids went to school and there was no way our pregnant Mom could climb the tree and get him down. Not sure how she ever got him down, or IF she did, until school let out that afternoon. Little stinker. She probably couldn't stay mad at him, either!

Bowie's Dedication

On April 5, 2009, Ted and Joey's families gathered for the Dedication of Bowie Paul Thomas Callister, Ted and Joey's six week old baby boy. It was Palm Sunday and also my Grandpa Noel's birthday. He passed away in 1989 and would have been 99 years old today! I wasn't sure what to expect when Ted invited us to the Dedication. Babies in our church are given a name and a blessing in a church service, and we thought Bowie's Dedication would be somewhat similar to that or like a Catholic baptism of infants. The first noticeable difference in our church and theirs was that we wore jeans to the service. This was wonderful for us. It was General Conference Sunday in our religion, so we didn't have organized church service that day, and it was was great to not have to get dressed up in dresses, suits and ties. We had a relaxing, enjoyable trip out to Tooele, where we saw people of all kinds entering the Church building. We waited outside for Ted and Joey, and as we walked in the back door of the Church, we were immediately greeted by lovely women who seemed sincerely happy to meet us. They wanted to know our names, and one of them even hugged Kurt:)

The pastor called Ted and Joey up to the front of the room, and then asked all of their families to come up to the front, too. There were SO many of us there.. it was amazing to see how we filled the room. A bunch of Mormons crowding into this little church building to support Ted and Joey. The pastor talked about bringing Bowie up in Christ and dedicating his life to the Lord. He said some really great things that we should all ponder every day, and even though it was different than the Church I attend, I enjoyed being with people who believe in, love and honor Jesus Christ. We all had common ground in our love for the Savior and it was a really pleasant experience going to the New Life Christian Fellowship church with my brother's family.

After the Pastor spoke and the congregation reached their hands towards Bowie while the Pastor said a prayer for him, the family sat back down and Paul played "Amazing Grace"on his bagpipes. Joey and I were both crying like babies while he played. Man, I love my brother. When Paul was done, Joey asked for a moment of silence for our Mom who died 21 years ago of breast cancer. She said, and I wish I could remember it word for word, but as she was crying, she said something to the effect "I never met Ted's Mom, but I'd like to ask for a moment of silence for her. I married the most amazing family". It was so awesome. So the Pastor asked the congregation for a moment of silence for Grandma Becky, who never met a single one of her 17 grandchildren.

I was so glad I was able to be there with Ted and Joey and Bowie and I'm so happy for Ted that he has a son. He's always wanted to be a Father, and I know he'll be an amazing Dad to Bowie. I'm glad they have religion in their home, and I hope they have many years full of peace, love and harmony as they raise their son, along with gorgeous Mikayla, who was part of the family before Ted was. I'm honored that I was a part of this special day for Ted's family.