Best Christmas Gift EVER!!!

Yes, it's true.

I'm going to be a GRANDMA:)

Ashli and Mack wrapped this card up in a box, and it was

the last gift we opened on Christmas night.

BEST Christmas gift EVER!!!!

He TOTALLY gets it:)

SO.... I collect bears.

I put them under the Christmas tree every year.

I wasn't going to do it this year.

Most of them were won by my former spouse at Lagoon, the Stampede

or whatever.

I threw some away when I moved out last year.

Put the rest in storage

And planned to throw them away...

eventually.

When I was ready.

And then my NEW spouse (I love you, baby!)

and I decided to decorate for Christmas this past week.

Went to the storage unit

And mice had gotten into one box of my bears:(

Didn't think I'd be as sad as I was.

We threw them away.

Then that very night,

Ken got me these!!!

Yay:) Starting all over again

With bears that look just us on our wedding day!!!

My colors were red, white and black

And these bears are a perfect way

To start our first Christmas together.

Isn't he great?

I love him.

Yup... I'm a Married Woman:)

There are really no words.

I love this man.

He makes the bad days good and the good days better.

He makes me want to live again.

Our wedding was beautiful.

I have so much more to say.

But we're SO busy!

When life slows down a little,

I'll tell you all about my new life

..as Mrs Ken Carlson:)

The Wedding Bands

Yes I have become a lazy blogger.
SO BUSY!!!
School.
Work.

Tanning Bed.

Zumba.

Wedding Plans.

:)

No time to blog.
But I noticed my last post was about Ken's terribly un-romantic proposal.
So I have to post about picking up the wedding bands.
He won't let me put a picture up yet.

Til after the wedding.

But our wedding bands are...
GORGEOUS!!!
We picked them up on a Tuesday.

Yay for Tuesdays!

I had looked at bands the previous weekend with Zack.

Just stopped in to Zales to check them out.

And there was one band that was like TWICE as expensive as the others.

So I didn't even try it on.

But it was my favorite one.

Of course.

Yup.. on that Tuesday..

I didn't even ask to look at THAT band.

I found one I liked.

Then he saw THAT one.

Asked the saleslady to take it out.

I tried it on.

With my diamond.

It was perfect.

He bought it for me:)

I love it.

I love him.
I love my life.
Even on Tuesdays:)

We shared a Hawaiian Heart Throb smoothie at Red Robin to celebrate after we picked up our bands.
And now we're just 12 days away!!!!

Ok... here it is.. the Proposal

It was the second least romantic proposal I've ever had...

But I love him anyway:)

We were watching Grease 2 .

On cable.

Sitting on his couch.

He was in jeans and the top to his garments.
Sexy, right?

LOL.

He walked into the other room and came back with a bag from Zales.

Said "I bought you a present today"

And handed me the bag.

Yup..

That was it...

I opened the bag, expecting like a necklace or something.

Diamond ring.

I mean, we had talked about it extensively.
I knew it was coming.
Even talked dates and locales.
But I still thought he might be a little bit creative about it.

Tonight he asked me for a do-over.

But I was a bit PMS'ey earlier in the day.
And I'm afraid if I hand the ring back to him

I'll never see it again.

That the PMS was enough to change his mind.

So the original proposal stands.
Still talking dates and locales.

Still telling all of the 9 kids and 9 grandkids we have between us.

Thinking about 11/11/11.

So he'd never forget our anniversary.

But it's still up in the air.

Double Rainbow

There was a beautiful double rainbow outside last night.

I was downstairs getting ready to go to the gym.

Ashli took this picture and texted it to me.

Awe:)

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things....

1. Sharing the iPod headphones on motorcycle rides.

2. Kisses on my forehead.

3. Roses for no reason:)

Derby/Football

Derby in Sanpete.

Huge.

Lottery to get tickets.

It's Friday night.

The night of the Juab-Grantsville football game.

All my brothers and sisters will be there.

He will be there too.

He gave away his Derby ticket.

Wow:)

This is a pretty big deal.....

:)

Just a little photo to prove that he's real:)

Had a great weekend.

He made pasta salad.

All by himself.

Cut the vegetables and everything:)

Awe....

:(

Tyler is playing football in Cedar City tonight

And I'm not there..

We worked too late to make the drive

And I have to work at 6 in the morning

But I didn't realize I would be this bummed

About missing the first game of his Senior year:(

Awe:) He watched a chick flick with me and Ashli tonight while Mack was at work.

"Something Borrowed"

He hated it.

But stuck it out til the better end

And then we watched LA Ink.

He taped the 11:00 episode so we can watch it tomorrow.

How convenient to have the cable guy here to record shows for us.

Yeah.. he's the cable guy.

I met him when he came to install our cable when I moved in with Ashli after I got divorced.

Weird huh?

I like him.

Olive Garden?

ME: "My son wiped out that power pole in his truck. "

HIM: "That was your son? I had to climb up and replace the cables on the new pole when it happened."

ME: "Oh, wow. How much did I pay you for that?"

HIM: "Enough for me to take you to the Olive Garden on Saturday."

Awe:) Cutest way I've EVER been asked on a date.

He's awesome.

Keeping details to a minimum for now.

See how it plays out.

But the motorcycle ride over the Nebo Loop was beautiful:)

The light at the end of the tunnel may in fact NOT be an oncoming train after all!

My daughter....

I started therapy yesterday.

I cried when I talked about Ashli.

I told him I feel like the roles are reversed right now.

Like she's mothering me instead of me being her Mom.

I said "She shouldn't have to do this"

He said the most beautiful words I've ever heard....

"She doesn't HAVE to"

Enough

I have devoted ENOUGH of my time, energy and emotions to the homewrecker. If she wants to add his last name to the four she's already had, so be it. I have to move on. I have to picture something else every time I close my eyes.

Incidentally, why do we women continue to love the man himself but hate the woman? This is so sick and wrong. He's the one I should be hating. Damn, I wish I could.

And.. you will all be delighted to know that I will be starting therapy on Thursday. Finally. I have needed this for the past year, but thought I couldn't afford it. Ashli pulled some strings, made some calls, and I will meet with the amazing Todd to begin the most important phase of this healing process.

Oh, I Forgot....

I learned something once

A long time ago

And I forgot about it

Until today

When Zack was in the Newborn ICU

I learned that someone else

Always has it worse than I do.

Even though Zack was sick

And we couldn't take him home

He was still alive.

And we were grateful.

And now things kind of suck sometimes.

I don't have a husband.

But I have a lot of amazing people who love me.

I don't have a home.

But I have kids who have welcomed me into their beautiful new home.

And let me have the pink room:)

While I get back on my feet.

And today I remembered the lesson I learned 19 years ago.

My friend lost her only sister today.

They lost their only brother a few years ago.

It breaks my heart.

She has it worse than I do.

So I vow to look on the bright side

And be thankful for the great things in my life:)

It could be a whole lot worse....

Right?

Ugh.....

I'm not all that interested in dating.

But my friend did send me this "Zoosk" invite thing, so I signed up for it.

And Zoosk sent me a message yesterday morning that they found the PERFECT MATCH for me!!! So I clicked on it and discovered that Zoosk found me a man just 40 miles away.

A year older than I am.

A Yankees fan.

3 kids, just like me.

Wow. Perfect.

So I got to read all about

KURT14

from Nephi, Utah. UGH!!!!

Thanks, Zoosk.

I disabled that account.

In real life, I've made a few minor decisions about the kind of guy I'd like to date

IF I ever decide to date again.

This has happened strictly through the process of elimination.

1. He must be unmarried. Not just separated. Not just unhappy in his marriage. Not merely "thinking about becoming single." He must really be single.

2. He must be younger than my father.

3. He must not purposely ingest carcinogens. I lost my Mom to cancer.

So there you go. Short list.

June 30

Would have been our 22nd anniversary today.

So I made some big plans to meet my awesome California cousins in Mesquite this past week. Got the time off work, made the hotel reservations.

Then I had to buy a new A/C condenser for my car.

$140.

Could NOT have handled the Nevada heat without A/C.

Could NOT afford the trip after paying for the condenser.

So...I went camping. My new favorite cheap hobby.

I just went to Payson Lake this time.

10 miles from work.

Made friends with the little creatures.

Decided to make myself a new hiking stick.

My knife closed on my finger when I was taking this little protrusion off my stick.

Ow:(

Apparently I left my EMT bag in the Cougar when I traded Zack cars last week.

So I improvised and found something in my bag that worked as a bandage. lol.
It rained a lot so I cut my trip short. :(

And ended up back in civilization on the dreaded day.
But I'm OK.
It will be easier next year.

But this year it sucks.

The Sunshine Award

Woohoo! Ashli nominated me for this blog award:) Yay me!!

The rules of this award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them

2. Tell us something about yourself

3. Nominate 5 other bloggers.

4. Let them know you awarded them.

Thank you Ashli:)

mackandash.blogspot.com

A little bit about me....

I am a Mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend.

I am stronger than I thought I could be.

I am pleased with the person I am becoming.

I am OK:)

I award:

1. Krista

thehutchinsfamily-krista.blogspot.com

2. Krystine

krystinecorner.blogspot.com

3. Marcy

thecurtisfamily.blogspot.com

4. Jacquie

dropdeadj.blogspot.com

5. Jennie

mikejencaleea2010.blogspot.com

First Camping Trip of 2011

I love camping. But it's always the busiest time of year for Kurt at work and we never did go camping as much as either of us would have liked to.

So I'm determined to go as often as I can now.

Before I'm too old to enjoy the mountains.

I work every weekend at Wal-Mart, so my camping trips will be mid-week when I have a day off the next morning.

June 7 was the first one this year.

LOVED IT!!!!!

It isn't summer until I've seen my waterfall.

Here it is from last year.

And here it is from June 7.

SO SCARY how fast and furious the muddy water was forcefully crashing down the waterfall. I'm pretty worried about how our world is going to look within the next few weeks when even more snow comes off the mountains.

I wanted to camp at Payson Lake, but the campground isn't open yet, so I went to Nephi Canyon. It is getting beautiful and green again after the Salt Creek Fire raged through there in 2007.

Chose the Cottonwood Campground because it is FREE! Yay:)

Got settled in for the night as soon as the sun went down because I forgot to take a flashlight. No, I didn't forget. I knew there was a lantern in the camping box. I just didn't know the bottom half of the lantern was missing; the half that holds the batteries. lol.

I was very smart about my first camping adventure as a single girl.

Set up my own tent:)

Camped 100 steps from the bathroom.

Close enough to get there quickly, but far enough that I wouldn't have to smell the place all night.



And only cried a teeny tiny little bit when I thought about other camping trips and time around the campfire.

I love camping!

But I also love getting in a hot shower and putting makeup on when I'm done!

Success

To laugh often and love much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the approval of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To give of one’s self;

To leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived…This is to have succeeded.

I went to the Stansbury High School graduation today, where my nephews

Maveric and Aaron got their diplomas.

And my nephew Colton was there, too!!!

It was SUCH a GREAT day!!!

The principal quoted the above work by Emerson in his remarks,

and I LOVED it:)

Had a blast at the "afterparty" at Tara's house

These weekends with my sisters are good for my soul:)

Two Things...

Two things...

1. I saw him this morning and I

DIDN'T CRY!!!!!

Yay me:)

2. My son is a better blogger than I am!

zackattackary15.blogspot.com

That's all.

Happy Tuesday:)

63:47

So I told Momma Jeanie that I'm having a bad week and that's why I haven't been blogging much. People are expecting me to be strong and positive, and sometimes I'm just NOT very STRONG or very POSITIVE.

But I'm blogging anyway.

Everyone gives me advice on how to get through the bad days.

There's the married guy who thinks I would benefit greatly by meeting him for lunch.

Uh.. NO!!!!!

I'm not exactly Kate Beckinsale, but I still think it would hurt his wife if she found out he was having lunch with an old girlfriend.

Many people tell me I would benefit greatly from getting drunk.

I've never been drunk.

But what's the point in starting now?

I made it this far in life without it.

And raised some pretty dang good kids as a sober Mom.

Guess I'll keep being a teetotaler.

Lots and lots of people think I need to explore options other than my LDS faith.

That's a thought for another day. For now..... these are the solutions I've found to help me get through the bad days.

Ashli took me to get my first massage on Mothers' Day weekend.

AMAZING!

Pretty sure I'm hooked now.

And today I decided to take the 7 minute journey over to the Manti temple for a session.

Oh wow.

Just driving toward it, you can see the building from a few miles back....

and I KNEW I was headed in the right direction:)

The Boswells pulled into the parking lot behind me, but I didn't get a chance to talk to them.

Brother Slack was the first person I saw as I walked down the hall past the front desk.

Ah... everything felt right in the world in that moment.

The session was beautiful. Amazing.

I was in the right place.

In the celestial room, I cried.

A lot.

But I realized that in the end, my salvation is totally dependent on

ME alone.

I might or might not have an eternal companion.

But I did everything I could to make that happen.

And he has his own free agency.

It's time for me to just be a great Mom.

And live my life in a way that my kids can be proud of.

I haven't been much of a Mom lately.

I've been needy and emotional

And they've had to take care of me.

I'm ready to take care of them again.

In the celestial room, I opened the scriptures and they fell open to

D&C 63:47.

I loved this, because Tyler's football numbers have been 47 and 63 his whole life:)

The scripture reads:

"He that is faithful and endureth shall overcome the world."

Love it:)