Monday~

What an absolutely HORRENDOUS Sunday I had!

I should have gone to church, I know.

I got dressed, did my hair.

Didn't go.

Got bad news on many different fronts yesterday.

Stayed home and felt sorry for myself.

But it's OK.

It's Monday.

New week.

New goals.

And I have six more days to psyche myself up for the happy couples

I see at church. And the unhappy ones who I just want to

shake and say "Hey! Wake up. You're here. Together! Be

happy! Appreciate it. Enjoy each other."

This.. or... That

I'm not generally a "fence sitter" kind of person.

I take the elephant

over the jackass any day of the week.

And it's always been the Y

over the U.

But last night, my sister took me to see the Red Rocks gymnastics team.

Wow. Talented girls. Ranked #4. Lost a close one to #2 Stanford.

And I'm a fan.

I'll still take the Y in football. Tradition, Spirit, Honor and all that.

But I guess I'm kind of a fence sitter now over the whole red/blue issue. Weird.

And I really tried to be open-minded about the whole truck thing...

But I'm still a Ford fan.

Happy Saturday!

The 9th Step

So I just heard the story of Liz Seccuro who was raped at a frat party in 1984. 21 years later, as part of the AA 12-Step program, her rapist sent her a letter apologizing for the experience she had as a result of his alcohol addiction. With the return address on the letter, Liz pressed charges and William Beebe was convicted of the rape. Way to go, Liz!

I'm a fan of recovery. I'm a fan of therapy. I'm not a fan of the 9th step. Each crime victim heals in her own way. A letter 20 years after the fact is just re-victimizing the victim. Write the letter as part of your recovery if you need to. If you're going to send it, be prepared for the consequences. As for me, I wouldn't want to receive the letter at all.

And there you go. A strange little blog entry about something that was on my mind today. Happy Thursday otherwise:)

~Girls' Night~

So... Ashli came to stay with me last night.

It was AWESOME!

We watched "Letters to Juliet" and talked about Ashli's upcoming

TRIP TO EUROPE!!!!

Yes, it's true. She is going to Europe in 5 short months!

I WISH I could go with her:(

She straightened my hair for me.

Because I simply have absolutely NO talent in this area.

It's good she could do her own hair at age 5 or it would have been sidekicks and topsy-tails her whole life, since that was the extent of my hair repertoire.

We went to "breakfast" at like 11:00 this morning. Had blueberry/white chocolate pancake poppers. Yummy~ And NO old men in spandex hit on her. Whew!!

Came back, talked, blogged, talked, blogged.... And I will see her AGAIN tomorrow:)

Day 30~ One Last Moment

When I started this "30 Day List" several months ago, I had no idea that my life would be turned upside down in the midst of it all. In October, my husband of nearly 22 years asked me for a divorce. I cried and begged him to stay, so he did. But he wasn't happy. So I moved out after the holidays. I didn't want the house without him in it. I have a cute little apartment. My kids spend a lot of time here, and a lot of time with their Dad. And it's good. I love my ward. I'm in college. I have great friends and even a few who are kind enough to flirt with me and make me feel like a girl again. And I'm OK. Some days are better than others. I cry a little less each week and I'm moving forward into this scary world on my own. With the help of the people who love me. I hope you know who you are. Amazing kids, phenomenal brothers and sisters, a loving Dad and awesome friends. And my husband has been great. Really supportive financially. I know I could call him if I needed anything at all and I think we'll be good friends when this is all said and done. When all of this first started, I felt hopeless. That I was too old to start my life all over again at 42 years old. But then I learned that Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel when he was 71. So I'll be OK. I'm amazed at how many people find themselves single at my age and I look at my Grandma, who found love again in her 70's. Thank you to everyone who believes in my ability to survive this time in my life. For the hugs, the messages, the prayers and the support. I love you all beyond words!!!

Day 29~ Your Aspirations

Oh, I love that these two entries are coming at the end of my 30 day list. I aspire to be a LCSW and work in a residental treatment center of some kind. Ashli and Mack work in a boys home, I have friends who work in a substance abuse center, and I just so want to work in the same type of environment. To make a difference in people's lives. I'm in college now finishing up my degree in social work, so I'm on the path to be what I want to be:)

I aspire to be happy. To look in the mirror and say "I like you!"

I aspire to fall in love again. To be loved again.

I aspire to be OK, even if I'm single for the rest of my life. Financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Day 28~ Something that you Miss

Him playing guitar at night. Yeah, I miss that.

Day 27~ Your Favorite Place

Day 26~ Your Fears

Mice. Cancer. Poverty.

Day 25~ A First

1/11/11 was the first day of the rest of my life. I made some changes. Kept some things the same. Most importantly decided to live by the motto

"Never trade what you want most for what you want at the moment".

Day 24~ Something That Makes you Angry

Hmm... what makes me angry? Well... I have to take this Biological Anthropology class this semester. I read the syllabus and it kinds of makes me angry that there are people who assume that evolution is fact. Yup.. that's it. It makes me angry that people are closed-minded. Not just about evolution. About lots of things. Sometimes I'm pretty set in my ways, too. Closed-minded. I will try to be open-minded. Even in Biological Anthropology class. Aargh.

Day 23~Something That Makes you Cry

Waking up alone.

Day 22~ Something that Makes You Feel Better

*Zack. He makes me feel happy.
*Tyler. He makes me feel safe.
*Ashli. She makes me feel loved.

Day 21~Something that Upsets You

That there are SO many of us in this club.

Day 20~ This Month

This month is new. This year is new. This decade is new. This month I am starting college. For the second time. I have my own room. For the first time. Ever. I hate it. Not the room. Just having it. This month I have been to church every Sunday. Yes, note it is only January 6. There has been only one Sunday this month but I can still brag about it. This month I have read my scriptures every day. I have prayed morning, noon, night, in between, in the car, at the store. I pray so much I think God probably just has a little bluetooth headset for me so he can keep himself free for all the other important tasks he has. But he is listening. I can tell. Because he answers me. Often. This month is different from any other month I've ever had. I'll let you know how it goes.