Bouncing Through the Stages

Being the dedicated student of Social Work that I am, I am currently studying for finals.

And that has included a review of the 5 stages of grief.

Which was developed to explain the process of dealing with death.

But can apply to many challenges we face in this life.

Like getting divorced when you're 42 years old.

The Bargaining stage was pathetic.

I cried and begged God to put my family back together.

He didn't do it.

I'm currently bouncing between Depression and Resignation (which our text called Acceptance. I like the term Acceptance better.)

Some days are still better than others.

And I cry MUCH less often than I used to.

I still wish God would put my family back together.

But I have accepted that 4/5 of us is NOT a majority.

And I'll completely move to Acceptance soon.

Really.

I will.

Private Blog

I'm getting comments on my blog from people I've absolutely never heard of, so I think I'm going to try going private for a while. If you want to be a reader, please get me your Email address either on facebook or in a blog comment and I'll send you an invite. Have a great week!!!

Tyler

*First, a disclaimer.... Zack, I didn't choose a picture without you in it on purpose. Ty just happens to look particularly dashing in this one.:)

I LOVE this young man.

A lot.

Handsome, smart, compassionate, athletic, honest....

The list goes on and on.

He's spent a lot of time taking care of me lately...

I'm SO glad that God knew I needed ONE more baby when I was crying on the bathroom floor in the trailer we rented from Kurt's parents, thinking we just couldn't afford more medical bills, and the timing wasn't right.

I absolutely CANNOT imagine my life without Tyler in it.

I'm so glad my Heavenly Father trusted me to be his Mom.

And I'm so excited to watch his senior year of Juab football!!!!

Can't wait:)

I love you, Fluff. You're amazing:)

I Won't Let Go

A few weeks ago, Ashli made this song her ringback tone. I like to call her just to hear it.

LOVE it:) I like to think she chose it just for me.

I have a pretty huge circle of people who stand by me.

My grandma is so cute. Not sure she'd want me to share the cute stuff she says to me, but she makes me smile.

She calls me Tina Rebecca and Ashli she calls Ashli Rebecca.

Whenever she talks to us.

We're truly loved by this lady.

Nice to be loved:)

Had a great day, btw!!!

'Night...

The Next Chapter....

So the financial situation is tough for all of us.

And it finally got to a point where something drastic had to happen.

Ashli and Mack offered to let me move in with them so I can save up some money.

The boys would stay in Nephi with their Dad while Tyler finishes up high school at Juab.

It was a heart wrenching decision.

I analyzed it from every angle.

Over and over again.

I consulted all of my trusted advisors.

And there was not one disssenting vote.

Everyone said I should take Ashli and Mack up on the offer.

That it was the absolute best thing for me financially and emotionally right now.

Mack sent me this picture in a text.

They had set up a bed for me in the spare bedroom.

With an Easter basket full of lotions, candy, a big fluffy towel...

I cried.

I knew I'd made the right decision.

The night before I moved out of Nephi, the boys and I spent hours just hanging out at my apartment. Zack brought Sweet Pea and played me lots of music. He kept saying

"You wanna hear a song I wrote?"

I fell for it every time. He'd play a gorgeous song, I'd be like "Wow, Zack. That's amazing." Til either he or Tyler finally cracked a smile and I knew it was just some popular song that I haven't heard on the radio. So he'd say "Sorry, Mom. No, really. I wrote this one." Then do it again. We had SO much fun:) A night I'll never forget!

I kept a stash of tootsie roll midgees over there by the computer.

But Tyler doesn't really eat junk food or drink pop.

Little Zack downed nearly the whole bag of tootsie rolls.

I'm super proud of how much I've downsized my stuff this past year.

Starting when we thought we had the house sold last Spring and we took literally 20 tons of stuff to the dump.

Then taking only what I really needed to the apartment in Nephi.

And now I've taken it down to one room and a corner of a storage unit.

It feels pretty good, actually. Freeing.

The grandfather clock my Dad made was the most important item in my move. It was the first thing we loaded because I wanted to make sure it would be safe for the 40-mile journey.

I LOVE this clock:)

Tyler took good care of it.

Mack brought the Cummins and a horse trailer over to Nephi to load up my stuff.

I don't think he's nearly as impressed with my downsizing as I am.

It seemed like a lot of stuff as they hauled it outside.

But I think I did pretty well. There was still room at the top of the trailer:)

I know I say this all the time.

But I have the most amazing kids in the world.

I already LOVE it here.

Ashli and Mack have made me feel so welcome and loved:)

NO MORE LAUNDRY-MAT:)

This is a little bit bittersweet for me, as I kind of got used to the whole thing.

It's great, though. To have a washer and dryer RIGHT HERE where we live. lol.

I had a washer just like this many years ago. I think Dixie gave it to us.

Those Kenmores last forever!!!

Hemi hung out with me today while I did some homework.

Love her:)

And if we walk through the backyard, we end up at the ball fields. Woohoo!

We watched Kritter play against Biggie and Makenzie tonight.

Super fun night:)

Life is good. Really.

Tuesday

I hate Tuesdays.

My Mom died on a Tuesday.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008 was the second worst day of my life.

My divorce was final last Tuesday.

I just found out today.

I hate Tuesdays.

I Lift Things Up and Put Them Down

For most of you, today is Monday. For me, it is Friday. I work in retail. We work weekends. I have worked the past 6 days in a row. I am tired. I realized that this is what I do for a living....

No, I don't look like this guy.

But this is what I do.

I climb up the ladder.

Get a box.

Climb down the ladder.

Put the box down.

Climb up the ladder.

Get a box.

Climb down the ladder.

Put the box down.

But you know what?

I LOVE my job.

I pretty much exercise ALL DAY LONG

and get paid for it:)

Between work and other valiant efforts, I've lost 27 pounds.

I still have a ways to go,

But atleast I'm headed in the right direction.

It was a LONG week though.

Emotionally and physically draining for me.

I'm exhausted.

I was planning to go camping tonight.

Sluff school tomorrow and stay in the mountains until Thursday.

It snowed yesterday.

Change of plans.

Not sure what the new plan is yet,

but I know I need to do SOMETHING to recharge over these next few days.