Help!!!

PLEASE help me. 

I have been making a huge effort over the last year or so to be less judgmental and to accept that people have faults and flaws and hope that they will do the same for me. 

Tonight, however, I find myself judging an athlete who has a history of  "recreational" drug use and a DUI conviction. I should be thrilled and proud that an American has achieved such great success as an athlete, but all I can think is that I wish the glory were going to someone else. 

I feel the same way about baseball players-many of them my beloved Yankees- who have been a part of the steroid scandals. I just don't get all gaga about their records.

It seems, well, not EARNED. 

 I guess I hold certain people to a ridiculously high standard. I expect them to be better than the rest of us. The DUI thing, though. I expect that of the rest of us, too. No drinking and driving. Period. End of story. I expect that of everyone I know. 

Not just the famous athletes. 

I used to LOVE to watch the Olympics with my Mom when I was a little girl. 

Now it seems less pure somehow, less real. More staged. None of the gymnasts even shed a tear while our flag was raised. Only one of them even attempted to sing the Star Spangled Banner. 

I'm just feeling a little bummed that I'm not more excited about the success of my fellow Americans tonight. 

Grrr. 

I miss the good old days. 

Never use the cheap stuff

Spend $2 extra. 

It's worth it. 

Just sayin

Flagstaff

 We should be here

 Going to see them later

 But we only got as far as this

 When this happened to my tire

 And this happened to my car

 So we had to go here

 And this was our vacation

 I bought these for Lola because she seemed so sad

 And she felt a little better when we got her home

You can hardly even tell she's hurt

And after a visit from the insurance adjuster and a few thousand dollars she should be as good as new.

Me, on the other hand....I'm sad about our messed up little getaway.

THIS was a good day:)

I was SO productive today. Got up early and grabbed a few groceries at the local Wal-Mart.

 Hit the tanning bed for that healthy glow:)

 Spent 90 minutes at Cody's Gym. Dang, I've missed that place!

 Made THIS dip and some crock pot lasagna for my husband, which I served with fresh tomato slices which I grew myself. I have become a domestic goddess.

Did the laundy.

Went to the bank.

Moved mattresses into empty apartments.

Washed my husband's truck.

And THEN... the absolute HIGHLIGHT of my life!

Ken taught me to drive the riding lawn mower.

 I have found my calling. It was SO FUN!!! He usually does the lawn here at the apartments but it takes FOUR hours by the time he uses the edger and the push mower and the riding mower, so tonight I wanted to help him. Cut the time in half. And I had a blast!!!

And while I was riding along on my new favorite toy, these two came over selling homemade no-bake cookies. They only had three left, and we bought all three, for a mere $13. lol. They're so dang cute. I love these kids:) 

So I had three days off in a row. Which NEVER happens. And we wanted to go somewhere super fun on the motorcycle. But, alas, it was to rain for three days.

So we went to the RC Willey outlet instead. We've been getting the "Man Cave" ready at the apartment... a room where Ken can put his stuff and chill while I work on apartment and school stuff in the office I painted pink:) We found the perfect couch for the Man Cave.

 There was NO way it was going to fit through the doorways back to the spare bedroom, though. We had to take out the window, which took HOURS to get all the silicone caulk removed. Once the window was out, we knew we never wanted to do that again. So we put the old ugly couch in the Man Cave where we will chop it in half when we move from here.

And the new couch is in the front room. Yay:)

We were promised a free gift if we applied for an RC Willey card while we were there. We were expecting like a DVD player or something.

Yeah, we got an ice cream scoop. lol. It's cute, though. 

Just in case you haven't heard....
It's a BOY!!

I am SO surprised. Everything about Ashi's pregnancy made it seem to most of us who've done this before that she was carrying a little girl. But it's a boy and we're excited to welcome him into the world around Christmas time.

 

Dear Diary

Disclaimer: This is about to get really personal, so if you  don't care to delve that deeply into my heart and soul, click the red x in the upper right. Thanks.

 I have been a Latter Day Saint since my Dad baptized me on July 3, 1976. It's all I've ever known. I've never doubted for one second that Joseph Smith knelt in the Sacred Grove and physically saw God and Jesus Christ. I have always believed that Families are Forever if you are sealed in the temple. My daughter's temple wedding was one of the greatest days of my life.

But when my own temple marriage crumbled after 22 years, I started to question everything I believed in. I didn't even know who I was. I had defined myself as a wife and mother for so long, I didn't even know how to live. My sons were 19 and 17, and we let them choose.

They chose their Dad.

It was devastating. I woke up one day and I had lost everything.What kind of God does that? What kind of God lets that happen? But my daughter was ruthless in making me heal. She mothered me and brought me back to life. She didn't talk to her Dad for a whole year. She basically sent her husband Mack with a horse trailer to pick up my stuff from the little two bedroom apartment I shared with NOBODY and made me move in with her, so she wouldn't worry every night about me crying myself to sleep. Our testimonies floundered. We were hurting. We didn't understand and we weren't all that happy with our Heavenly Father.

 And then..I met a man. I fell in love. He'd been in 4 bishoprics before his temple marriage of 24 years fell apart the same way mine did. He was hurting, too. We were soul mates. I moved in with him a month before our wedding. I got a tattoo. I was blissfully happy. But we missed the Church. So ten days after our wedding, we went and talked to our bishop. Told him all the gory details. We had a church court. We were put on probation for an unspecified period. The bishop said it would continue until he felt like we were ready. We had some stuff we had to take care of. And we did every little thing that was asked of us. We knew we wouldn't be able to go back to the temple for a year, but we needed SOMETHING. We couldn't pray in meetings or answer questions in class or take the sacrament, and we had to meet with the bishop  every other Sunday. We paid our tithing, went to our meetings and still we were ostracized and put on display month after month after month when we had to pass the sacrament tray down without taking it. On Easter Sunday, all of our meetings talked about the Atonement. We were six months into our probation then, and we thought some little privilege would finally be restored to us then. Sacrament or the ability to pray or bear our testimonies or answer questions or SOMETHING. I mean, the Savior met us halfway, right? We felt really strongly that we had done what was asked of us and Jesus Christ did the rest. We met with the bishop that day and he said we weren't ready for any of those things to be returned to us. We haven't been to church since. Two weeks ago, we decided to try going back, but we only stayed for sacrament meeting, and we didn't feel loved or welcome or anything, so here we are.

My oldest nephew, Maveric, baptized one of my younger nephews, Logan, yesterday. Mav is going on a mission to Puerto Rico in August and I'm so proud of him. As I am of Logan for choosing to be baptized and for my sister, Tawni, for taking her three little boys to church when they got old enough to start asking to go. It's not easy for her, and she's a great Mom.

My oldest son Zack  is older than Mav, and I thought I would be bummed that he wasn't the one to baptize Logan. But I really wasn't bummed about it. I'm proud of Zack for being who he is, and it's OK that he didn't go on a mission. It's OK that he isn't an Elder, and it's even OK if he doesn't get married in the temple. My life looks nothing like it did 5 years ago, and  I actually feel a peace that I haven't felt for a long time. People are charting their own course in this family and in this life, and I love them for who they are. I want them to be good people and live Christian lives, but if they do that in their own way, I'm OK with that.

The little cousins love Zack, and he's going to be a great Dad. He loves with his whole heart, and he's fun to be around. I'm so proud to be his Mom.

 An old high school acquaintance, Lee Imlay, is the bishop in Tawni's ward, and he teared up when he talked about the love and support he feels from our family. He said he felt a good spirit being around us. Tami is the only one of our seven siblings who is temple worthy, yet there is a strong spirit among us.

 If you look closely you can see an angel between Ashli and Kylie. Yeah, I know, it's just a dusty camera lens, but I like to think differently:) Our Mom would have been so happy to see us all there together yesterday, full of love for Logan and Mav and just happy to be all together.

 After the baptism, Ken and I got new matching tattoos. A lot of people won't understand that. It is a tattoo we have considered for a long time, and just recently finally found the perfect design. My family has deep celtic roots, and this tattoo honors that along with a heart to symbolize our love for each other.

I love it. I don't regret it at all.

Malissa took this picture for us after she finished up. Yeah, she rocks. She's covered in ink, pierced and dyed and she's one of my favorite people. She has a big heart, she loves her kids and her husband, and she makes me feel beautiful.

Yes, this is Wile E Coyote beneath our Celtic knot. He got it 32 years ago when he was in the Army. We thought about having Malissa do some amazing cover up work, but Ken's daughter, Jenny, says "NO!" It's part of who her Dad is. Nobody but Ken would have a Wile E Coyote tattoo  and she wants it to stay. So stay it will:)

Well... the Bishop called, and he'd like us to meet with him at 7:00 tonight. Ken is going. I'm not. I'm not ready.