Ya Gotta Have Heart

Remember when THIS happened? The best closer in the history of baseball injured his knee shagging fly balls before a game.   Yet somehow the Yankees made it to the ALCS without Mo.

 And now.. this. Is it stupid that I cried? Joe Girardi was literally about to carry Jeter off the field singlehandedly, and I got the feeling that it wasn't about "protecting the investment". It was about loving this guy. Jeter is a class act, on and off the field. And it's heartbreaking that his season ended this way. He injured his foot a while ago, yet kept playing because he loves October. He loves baseball. And that is what we are missing. This postseason has been fantastic. Teams just aren't giving up. Games are being tied in the 9th inning and won in the 12th, 13th or 14th innings. Guys are playing with heart again. Like the 1998 Yankees. Those guys were part of a team. Not in it for the endorsements or the big contracts. Just in it for love of the game.

Paul O'Neill (who threw out the first pitch today), Andy Pettitte, Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Jorge Posada, Scott Brosius, Chuck Knoblauch, Tino Martinez, Bernie Williams. And of course Joe Torre and Don Zimmer.

 I thought we'd NEVER see that kind of heart again when we lost Joe Torre. I didn't like his replacement.

 And that feeling lasted for four years. Until last week. Girardi's Dad passed away on Saturday and over the next few days, in spite of this challenge in his own personal life, Girardi made the bold move of benching the $29 million a year superstar, Alex Rodriguez, who isn't hitting worth a crap and has a "me" mentality. Girardi earned my respect this past week.

 THIS guy.. .THIS guy! Raul Ibanez came out of nowhere. He wasn't even on a team during spring training, and now he's winning games for the New York Yankees in the postseason. And he's not being paid $29 million to do it. He has heart .

The winner of the 2012 World Series will be the team with the most HEART. I don't know if my team can do it. Plagued with injuries, facing challenges, it might not happen for us this time. But whatever happens, both national league and American league teams are giving us some quality baseball this postseason.

I LOVE this game!!! 

This isn't like the BEST picture of any of us, but I'm off to take a math test and I'm blogging to unwind and clear my head and all that mumbo jumbo, so I just found a picture that includes all of us. I may go find some awesome ones later. 

The point being... THIS is why I am alive. These people. Being a Mom is the GREATEST thing I've ever done. And it took me a long time to realize that nobody can ever take my place. I'm their Mom. Forever and always. And that is a beautiful thing. 

And now I get to be a grandma too. 

And now I'm crying.

Because I'm really happy. 

I love them. 

A lot.

 I grew up listening to the Osmonds. I was addicted to the Donny and Marie Show and used to watch it with my Dad every week. I'd always heard there were these two deaf brothers and thought how sad it was to have been born deaf into such a musical family.

Today was our Stake Conference here in Ephraim, Utah, and as we watched the Stake Choir sing "The Spirit of God Like a Fire is Burning" there was deaf  Brother Tom Osmond (top right in the photo) standing on the front row of the choir, hand-signing the lyrics to this beautiful hymn. It was a moment I will NEVER forget. I am SO glad he has a musical voice even though it's not audible. It was beautiful. 

Passion

I don't really believe in coincidences. So... a few events from today have me thinking. In the shower this morning, I got thinking that I'm really not passionate about politics like some of my friends are. These thoughts probably came from the September 11 posts on facebook yesterday. I mean, I lean to the right. But I'm not like 100% enamored of Mitt Romney and I don't 100% HATE Barack Obama. My three kids ALL have health insurance for the first time in decades and I have Obama to thank for that. So I'm just not passionately involved in politics. Some people think I SHOULD be. After all, this is my city, my county, my state, my nation. I should CARE who is leading us, right?

 

And I do. But not as much as I care about, say, the fact that Ashli is having Braxton Hicks contractions and leaking breast milk when she still has over two months until her baby is due. I'm passionate about the health of my daughter and her unborn child. I'm passionate about Race for the Cure, where my family gathers every year to honor our Mom who lost her battle with breast cancer in 1987. I'm passionate about FINALLY getting my college degree at the tender young age of 45.

 

This afternoon, I attended the first EVER "Common Hour" at Utah State University. I am a distance learner, where my classes are broadcast from the main campus in Logan to our campus here in Ephraim, so I saw the presentation live via broadcast. The speaker was Spencer West, a young man who had both of his legs amputated just below his pelvis when he was 5 years old due to a muscular disorder. He just climbed Mt Kilimanjaro (sp?) in June and he is a motivational speaker. (Granted, one who makes $5000 per appearance, but still....)  

Well, he talked today about finding what we are passionate about and then doing that for a living. You know, so I'm like "Hmm... maybe I'm supposed to be thinking about what I'm passionate about, since I've had this word in my head twice today." So I drove over to the little pioneer heritage park in Manti this afternoon, and ended up thinking that I need to try once again to write a novel. I gave up so easily when my first one was rejected.

 

On my way home from Manti, I called Ashli and she said she was on her way to Ephraim. We sat in my front room and talked for a couple hours, and we talked about some mutual acquaintances of ours, about whom Ashli said--and I quote-- "They just aren't PASSIONATE about anything."

What? OK. Three times in one day.

 

I had FRONT row seats to a concert tonight. Seriously. One day my husband loaned ten bucks to a guy at Maverik to buy cigarettes. The guy is a DJ for a country radio station, and he never forgot that favor, so he gave me and Ken FRONT ROW seats to see Lonestar tonight. They are this band who have been together for 20 years singing songs about their wives and kids and stuff in life that they're passionate about. Great concert. Great seats. Great way to end my day of thinking that I'm about to embark on some kind of journey to find my life's passion. Think Stephenie Meyer. Think that British lady who wrote Harry Potter. What was her name? How quickly we forget. Think Ben Affleck and what's his name. Matt Damon. Who were watching the Oscars in a crummy bachelor one year and nominated the next.

Baby blanket:)

We are SO busy since school started up again!!! I thought I'd have lots of spare time to make baby blankets, keep my house immaculately clean, work out every day and so forth since I quit working at Maverik, but I'm busy all the time. I did manage to get one baby blanket ready, though. 

Yankees baseball one is next on my list.

 

And We're Back

 We went to the temple for a session on Thursday, August 9, 2012.

Here we are at home before we left for Manti.

 Almost there...

 Ah:)

 Yeah, we've waited a long time for this.

Tonight we had Rylee's baby blessing at Andrea's house. Zane ran inside to tell me there was a rainbow. I like to think it means my Mom was there:)

 Rylee Ann and Grandpa Ken before her blessing.

Isn't she beautiful? 

Sam Guillory

I started following Sam Guillory's blog today.

You can find it here:

http://strongsam.blogspot.com

I met the Guillorys when they moved to Nephi in about 1996 or so. I was managing an apartment complex and they moved in for a short time while their home was being built.

I met Bob first, the Dad. He came to sign papers and get keys and all that.

He was this military man with an intimidating aura and he told me he didn't like Mormons.

So I was immediately terrified of him.

I didn't find out until over a year later that he was totally kidding with me, and they were an active LDS family. He just had that twisted sense of humor.

Sam was the youngest child then, and we called her Sammi Jo. She hated it. So Kurt continued to call her that for years.

Jill, the Mom, is an avid runner, and I remember her first race. It was the Ute Stampede "Fun Run" about 10 years ago. I thought it was SO awesome that she did it. She's run every day since, I'm sure. She used to be in the high school gym running the indoor track every morning when I lived in Nephi. I didn't even TRY to keep up with her. One day, when Ashli was going through a particularly tough time in her life, Jill slowed it down to run a lap with me and talk about Ash.

Sam played in a softball tournament over here in Ephraim a few weeks ago, so I got to see Jill when I was working at Maverik. I saw her later at Wal-Mart and started to introduce her to my new husband, Ken, but she is 40-something, and apologized profusely that she had to get to the bathroom and couldn't chat. lol. She hunted us down after her visit to the little girls' room and introduced herself to Ken.

These are great people, just an amazing family. It doesn't seem fair that they're going through this, but if anyone can handle it, it's them.



The Atonement

We watched this video in Sunday School yesterday.

It was only about the fourth Sunday since I decided to return to church with my whole heart, no matter how long the process took for me to return to full fellowship.

I'm not even sure there was a MOMENT I decided that I really wanted to go back to the  temple and be the ME I'd always been "before".

It's been a process over the past few weeks. My nephew getting ready to leave for his mission tomorrow. My son talking about going on his mission next year. My friends telling me that it's the right thing to do. My heart telling me that I really want to go inside the building every time I drive by the Manti temple. My visiting teacher bringing me something with a butterfly on it every couple of weeks or so. My 70 year old home teacher and his 16 year old companion who haven't missed a month of visiting even when we were kind of rude to them and told them we didn't have time one night.

Mostly it's probably just because I believe it. Train up a child in the way he should go and all that. I've been taught this gospel since I was a tiny little girl, and it's a part of me. I took a detour for a while there. Blamed God for things that were really just a matter of other people's free agency. Used my own free agency to circle around and check out the side trails. But I'm back.

And once I made that decision in my own heart, it was like that's all God was waiting for.

Yesterday after we watched the video in Sunday School, the Bishop (who has seemed remarkably humble and kind lately, btw) came and asked us to meet with him right after the block of meetings yesterday. We had an emotional meeting with him, his couselors and Ernie, the executive secretary. At the end of that meeting, he asked us to return at 5:00 for temple recommend interviews. I cried. Ken cried. It was pretty amazing. And now I hold a recommend in my hand for the first time in over a year. Even though I have two tattoos and even though I made some other interesting choices along the way. I wanted to go to the temple the minute it opened this morning, but of course, Ken had to work. I have to work tonight. I have to work tomorrow night. But Thursday... Thursday we'll be there. Together. I never thought I'd see this day again, going to do a temple session with the man I love.

And Sunday we get to take the sacrament, answer questions in class, speak or say prayers or bear our testimonies, or... .wait.. or be nursery and cub scout leaders!!!???? What were we thinking? lol. I'm truly happy. I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders and I'm back where I knew I wanted to be all along.

Where to eat dinner?

IF I eat here tonight, does that mean I hate gay people? 

I submit that it does not. 

  I have lots of friends in non-traditional families who are making it work for them and I adore them all. 

I Googled the exact quote which sparked this whole controversy and found this: 

Dan Cathy appeared in The Baptist Press on July 16 and he weighed in with his views on family. “We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit,” Cathy said. “We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

Yeah, that's pretty much the most conservative thing I've read in a while and I understand why my gay friends would be offended by it. Hey, I was divorced and I could be offended by it, too. But I'm not. He is one man, one man who isn't very media savvy. Give the guy a break. The guys in the White House (conservatives included!) have people spin stuff for them. If they're inclined to say stupid stuff, someone fixes it before it hits the national media. Let's not bankrupt an entire company over it. And, while I'm at it, my $5 probably won't save them from bankruptcy either, so maybe I'll just leave it at this and simply eat whatever sounds good. Now, THERE'S a novel idea. 

Help!!!

PLEASE help me. 

I have been making a huge effort over the last year or so to be less judgmental and to accept that people have faults and flaws and hope that they will do the same for me. 

Tonight, however, I find myself judging an athlete who has a history of  "recreational" drug use and a DUI conviction. I should be thrilled and proud that an American has achieved such great success as an athlete, but all I can think is that I wish the glory were going to someone else. 

I feel the same way about baseball players-many of them my beloved Yankees- who have been a part of the steroid scandals. I just don't get all gaga about their records.

It seems, well, not EARNED. 

 I guess I hold certain people to a ridiculously high standard. I expect them to be better than the rest of us. The DUI thing, though. I expect that of the rest of us, too. No drinking and driving. Period. End of story. I expect that of everyone I know. 

Not just the famous athletes. 

I used to LOVE to watch the Olympics with my Mom when I was a little girl. 

Now it seems less pure somehow, less real. More staged. None of the gymnasts even shed a tear while our flag was raised. Only one of them even attempted to sing the Star Spangled Banner. 

I'm just feeling a little bummed that I'm not more excited about the success of my fellow Americans tonight. 

Grrr. 

I miss the good old days. 

Never use the cheap stuff

Spend $2 extra. 

It's worth it. 

Just sayin

Flagstaff

 We should be here

 Going to see them later

 But we only got as far as this

 When this happened to my tire

 And this happened to my car

 So we had to go here

 And this was our vacation

 I bought these for Lola because she seemed so sad

 And she felt a little better when we got her home

You can hardly even tell she's hurt

And after a visit from the insurance adjuster and a few thousand dollars she should be as good as new.

Me, on the other hand....I'm sad about our messed up little getaway.

THIS was a good day:)

I was SO productive today. Got up early and grabbed a few groceries at the local Wal-Mart.

 Hit the tanning bed for that healthy glow:)

 Spent 90 minutes at Cody's Gym. Dang, I've missed that place!

 Made THIS dip and some crock pot lasagna for my husband, which I served with fresh tomato slices which I grew myself. I have become a domestic goddess.

Did the laundy.

Went to the bank.

Moved mattresses into empty apartments.

Washed my husband's truck.

And THEN... the absolute HIGHLIGHT of my life!

Ken taught me to drive the riding lawn mower.

 I have found my calling. It was SO FUN!!! He usually does the lawn here at the apartments but it takes FOUR hours by the time he uses the edger and the push mower and the riding mower, so tonight I wanted to help him. Cut the time in half. And I had a blast!!!

And while I was riding along on my new favorite toy, these two came over selling homemade no-bake cookies. They only had three left, and we bought all three, for a mere $13. lol. They're so dang cute. I love these kids:) 

So I had three days off in a row. Which NEVER happens. And we wanted to go somewhere super fun on the motorcycle. But, alas, it was to rain for three days.

So we went to the RC Willey outlet instead. We've been getting the "Man Cave" ready at the apartment... a room where Ken can put his stuff and chill while I work on apartment and school stuff in the office I painted pink:) We found the perfect couch for the Man Cave.

 There was NO way it was going to fit through the doorways back to the spare bedroom, though. We had to take out the window, which took HOURS to get all the silicone caulk removed. Once the window was out, we knew we never wanted to do that again. So we put the old ugly couch in the Man Cave where we will chop it in half when we move from here.

And the new couch is in the front room. Yay:)

We were promised a free gift if we applied for an RC Willey card while we were there. We were expecting like a DVD player or something.

Yeah, we got an ice cream scoop. lol. It's cute, though. 

Just in case you haven't heard....
It's a BOY!!

I am SO surprised. Everything about Ashi's pregnancy made it seem to most of us who've done this before that she was carrying a little girl. But it's a boy and we're excited to welcome him into the world around Christmas time.

 

Dear Diary

Disclaimer: This is about to get really personal, so if you  don't care to delve that deeply into my heart and soul, click the red x in the upper right. Thanks.

 I have been a Latter Day Saint since my Dad baptized me on July 3, 1976. It's all I've ever known. I've never doubted for one second that Joseph Smith knelt in the Sacred Grove and physically saw God and Jesus Christ. I have always believed that Families are Forever if you are sealed in the temple. My daughter's temple wedding was one of the greatest days of my life.

But when my own temple marriage crumbled after 22 years, I started to question everything I believed in. I didn't even know who I was. I had defined myself as a wife and mother for so long, I didn't even know how to live. My sons were 19 and 17, and we let them choose.

They chose their Dad.

It was devastating. I woke up one day and I had lost everything.What kind of God does that? What kind of God lets that happen? But my daughter was ruthless in making me heal. She mothered me and brought me back to life. She didn't talk to her Dad for a whole year. She basically sent her husband Mack with a horse trailer to pick up my stuff from the little two bedroom apartment I shared with NOBODY and made me move in with her, so she wouldn't worry every night about me crying myself to sleep. Our testimonies floundered. We were hurting. We didn't understand and we weren't all that happy with our Heavenly Father.

 And then..I met a man. I fell in love. He'd been in 4 bishoprics before his temple marriage of 24 years fell apart the same way mine did. He was hurting, too. We were soul mates. I moved in with him a month before our wedding. I got a tattoo. I was blissfully happy. But we missed the Church. So ten days after our wedding, we went and talked to our bishop. Told him all the gory details. We had a church court. We were put on probation for an unspecified period. The bishop said it would continue until he felt like we were ready. We had some stuff we had to take care of. And we did every little thing that was asked of us. We knew we wouldn't be able to go back to the temple for a year, but we needed SOMETHING. We couldn't pray in meetings or answer questions in class or take the sacrament, and we had to meet with the bishop  every other Sunday. We paid our tithing, went to our meetings and still we were ostracized and put on display month after month after month when we had to pass the sacrament tray down without taking it. On Easter Sunday, all of our meetings talked about the Atonement. We were six months into our probation then, and we thought some little privilege would finally be restored to us then. Sacrament or the ability to pray or bear our testimonies or answer questions or SOMETHING. I mean, the Savior met us halfway, right? We felt really strongly that we had done what was asked of us and Jesus Christ did the rest. We met with the bishop that day and he said we weren't ready for any of those things to be returned to us. We haven't been to church since. Two weeks ago, we decided to try going back, but we only stayed for sacrament meeting, and we didn't feel loved or welcome or anything, so here we are.

My oldest nephew, Maveric, baptized one of my younger nephews, Logan, yesterday. Mav is going on a mission to Puerto Rico in August and I'm so proud of him. As I am of Logan for choosing to be baptized and for my sister, Tawni, for taking her three little boys to church when they got old enough to start asking to go. It's not easy for her, and she's a great Mom.

My oldest son Zack  is older than Mav, and I thought I would be bummed that he wasn't the one to baptize Logan. But I really wasn't bummed about it. I'm proud of Zack for being who he is, and it's OK that he didn't go on a mission. It's OK that he isn't an Elder, and it's even OK if he doesn't get married in the temple. My life looks nothing like it did 5 years ago, and  I actually feel a peace that I haven't felt for a long time. People are charting their own course in this family and in this life, and I love them for who they are. I want them to be good people and live Christian lives, but if they do that in their own way, I'm OK with that.

The little cousins love Zack, and he's going to be a great Dad. He loves with his whole heart, and he's fun to be around. I'm so proud to be his Mom.

 An old high school acquaintance, Lee Imlay, is the bishop in Tawni's ward, and he teared up when he talked about the love and support he feels from our family. He said he felt a good spirit being around us. Tami is the only one of our seven siblings who is temple worthy, yet there is a strong spirit among us.

 If you look closely you can see an angel between Ashli and Kylie. Yeah, I know, it's just a dusty camera lens, but I like to think differently:) Our Mom would have been so happy to see us all there together yesterday, full of love for Logan and Mav and just happy to be all together.

 After the baptism, Ken and I got new matching tattoos. A lot of people won't understand that. It is a tattoo we have considered for a long time, and just recently finally found the perfect design. My family has deep celtic roots, and this tattoo honors that along with a heart to symbolize our love for each other.

I love it. I don't regret it at all.

Malissa took this picture for us after she finished up. Yeah, she rocks. She's covered in ink, pierced and dyed and she's one of my favorite people. She has a big heart, she loves her kids and her husband, and she makes me feel beautiful.

Yes, this is Wile E Coyote beneath our Celtic knot. He got it 32 years ago when he was in the Army. We thought about having Malissa do some amazing cover up work, but Ken's daughter, Jenny, says "NO!" It's part of who her Dad is. Nobody but Ken would have a Wile E Coyote tattoo  and she wants it to stay. So stay it will:)

Well... the Bishop called, and he'd like us to meet with him at 7:00 tonight. Ken is going. I'm not. I'm not ready.

Red Cross shelter

 So fires are consuming our state right now. One of the worst ones is the Wood Hollow fire, about 20 miles from our home in Ephraim. I got a phone call on Monday to see if I was available to help in the Red Cross shelter at North Sanpete High School, where people evacuated from their homes in Indianola and Fairview were staying. I joined the Utah MRC (Medical Reserve Corps) about three years ago and never really thought I'd actually get called out in an emergency, but I was excited to do it!

 I signed up for a 12 hour shift, and was just delighted when I got there to see where I'd be spending my 12 hours. lol.

 Most of the evacuees were gone by the time my shift started, but we did have two families still there when I arrived.

 Even so, the only medical care I gave in my entire 12-hour shift was to give a bandaid to one of the other volunteers.

 It was a great experience to see how the shelter works, though.

 I think I'll be making cash donations to the Red Cross now. They need it.

 A few hours into my shift, Judy from Orem came back to the medical area and invited me to come up front and visit with the rest of the staff. I had already watched two DVD's on my laptop and was ready to get out of that room!

 Sheila, Heather, Cathy and Mike hard at work.

 Once Commander Cathy arrived (retired Navy commander), the work of the shelter was winding down, and Cathy and I dismantled the health center.

Here are the medical supplies, diapers and feminine hygiene products I had custody of during my time at the shelter. It was a great experience, and made me question my decision to NOT recertify as an EMT next year when my certification lapses. I may just stick with it after all.