Happy Half Century

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2. So, I turned 50. I went to see my grandma on my birthday. And I cried like a baby. I told her the truth about everything. That I'm scared they won't get all of the cancer. That I'm tired of going to treatment every single day. That it's just not fair. She agreed with everything I said, like she always has. She hugged me. She cried. She told me she loves me. It was all that I needed. 
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4. I also went to see my Mom on my birthday. I thought about how she might have felt 50 years ago when she gave birth to her first baby. I can relate to her more than I ever have, now that this vicious disease has attacked me too. Dang, but I miss her. 

I also got to see most of my grandbabies over my birthday weekend. Feeding Kendricks an ice cream cone was one of the cutest things ever. I love the ice cream on his nose :) 

It was Fathers Day on my birthday, and I got to see my Dad and all of my siblings except Ted. We don't do this often enough. 

We went to Wendover, and Ken bought me this necklace from a Native American selling jewelry at the rest stop on the Bonneville Salt Flats. It has significance for me because my people call themselves #tinastribe. You can see the rashes on my skin from the radiation. 

I grew up 90 miles from here, and I had never actually stepped onto the salt flats until now. It was crazy cool. Your feet get covered in salt as if you are on the beach getting covered in sand. 

I

It's not officially summer until I've had my first strawberry acai refresher from Starbucks. This one didn't even last long enough to get a good photo.

On Friday, all of my sisters and my niece Brooklyn surprised me and showed up at the hospital before my radiation treatment. They threw me a birthday party right there in the waiting room. I loved the cookies Tami made,, "Before" and "After" mastectomy cookies. Love it! 

I took Riken to my radiation appointment and everyone told me what a pretty little girl he is. Yeah, we get that a lot. He IS pretty. 

Tyler and Kieonah know me so well :) 

BUSY-NESS

SUPER DUPER busy around here, which is GGGGRRREEAATTT!!! I used to brag to my kids that "I am the BUSIEST person ALIVE!" but then I heard President Uchtdorf's talk in general conference about not wearing our busy-ness as a badge of honor, so I had to lay off on saying that. lol. 

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions

It is nice to be busy, though. I love it. 

Let's see. where to start? 

 Riken's Blessing was AMAZING! Tyler blessed him in the Moroni 3rd Ward on April 10, 2013, and he did a beautiful job:) I'm so proud of him. 

 We finally got to meet Zack's girlfried McKenna the weekend of the blessing. She's adorable. Super quiet, which is hard to get used to, but we adore her:) 

 Of course there's THIS guy:) LOVE HIM!!!!! 

I had NO idea my Grandma was coming to Riken's blessing, and I was SO excited to see her walk into the chapel. We couldn't do a 5 generation picture, per se, because my Mom passed away in 1987,but my Dad stepped up to stand in her spot for our photo. 

GREAT-GREAT GRANDMA Wilma Rebecca Abrams Freston Swenson Hunsaker 

GREAT-GRANDPA Thomas Jefferies Callister (wife was Rebecca Freston Swenson Callister) 

GRANDMA Tina Rebecca Callister Allred Carlson

MOM Ashli Rebecca Allred Brown

BABY Riken J. Brown  

Super awesome, yeah? 

Last Saturday we had a great Relief Society women's conference here in the Ephraim stake, and I was surprised to see Corinne Jenkins, who had been my visiting teacher for 10 years or so when I lived in Nephi. I went over to say hi to her after the meeting, and she, being 88 years old, had no idea who I was. Kind of broke my heart a little tiny bit. Getting old isn't fun. I'm ALREADY forgetting things and I'm only.... well, you know, only 29 and 15 or so. 

One of Ken's friends passed away this past week, and the funeral was yesterday. His daughter is one of the girls in our Sunday School class, and she gave a beautiful tribute to her Dad at the funeral. Things like this really make me appreciate the ones I love and how fragile life is. Kevin was one of the people who was immediately warm and loving to me when I moved to Ephraim, just because I was Ken's. They love Ken, so they love me. It's a wonderful feeling and part of the reason Ephraim feels like home to me. Kevin will be missed. There wasn't room to hold all of the people who attended his funeral. Chairs were set up clear to the back wall of the cultural hall, then they started lining up chairs in the hallways outside the chapels, the relief society room filled up, and people were standing anywhere in the building where they could hear the speakers from the chapel. It was a beautiful tribute to a great man. 

Then my final thought for this week. Kurt and I have been sending emails back and forth lately. It's easier than texting when we have more than a couple sentences to say,  and a phone call doesn't always come at exactly the right time. Emails can be opened, pondered and answered at the reader's convenience. It works for us. Well, in this one email, I was thinking a lot about how I used to treat people when I was married to Kurt. He is a huge flirt, he knows it, and I don't think it would bother him to know that I said it here. But I didn't know how to handle it, so I ended up just giving people (particularly beautiful young women) the cold shoulder when I knew he was friends with them. We'd be out in public and I'd completely ignore these people. I didn't realize at the time just how poorly I was handling the situation. Recently I've been going through something where someone is doing the same thing to Ashli and I can see how hurtful it is. I hate that I used to act like that, and I'm really embarrassed now that I did it. So if any of you beautiful women from Nephi read this, and I was rude to you because my ex-husband was your friend, I'm sorry!!!! Well, I wanted to tell Kurt I was sorry, too. So I told him in an email, and he responded saying that it was time for us to quit apologizing for the past. He said if he had to apologize for every time he'd hurt me, he'd be very unproductive because he wouldn't have time for anything else. lol. He said he was sorry for all of the hurt he caused me and he hoped we could just move on now and be friends, not just the kids' parents.  I wanted to hear that for a long time. He did hurt me. But I hurt him too. And it truly doesn't even matter anymore. I absolutely ADORE Ken, and he is the perfect man for me. I'm also really grateful that Kurt and I had our kids together, because I think we had the same ideas about parenting, and we did a pretty good job at raising kids. So all of the other stuff needs to finally just be put away. The hurt is gone. I don't like hug him when I see him or anything, but yeah, I think we can be friends. It feels a whole lot better than carrying around all the hatred and bitterness that I had for so long. 

You Matter to Him

I have one of these. My daughter has one of these. My brothers have lots of these. My Dad has a few of these. My husband has three of these. We're Latter Day Saints and we're not supposed to have any of these.

But we do.

So today my daughter came to church with me. And a returned missionary was the speaker. He was talking about a guy in El Salvador that was covered in tattoos and piercings. And I was worried that my daughter was going to bolt. Run out the door. Until the RM said "....And he was one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet".

THANK YOU Elder Clark! We Christians need to be more like Christ. Accepting and loving to people. Even the people who make different choices than we do. Someone once said "If there's not a faint smell of tobacco in the chapel, then someone isn't doing their job". Yup. Let's all just do the best we can, ok? Be the best people we can be. And accept each other, warts and all.

The relief society lesson was from Elder Uchtdorf. Sorry, Dieter. I know I spelled that incorrectly. Entitled "You Matter to Him".

I can't get it to post on here the way I want it to, but you can copy and paste it and read it. It's a good one. http://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/11/you-matter-to-him?lang=eng

Did I mention that my daughter came to church with me?

Happy Mom here.

GREATEST.KIDS.EVER

So I was even more of an emotional wreck on Valentines Day than I thought I would be.

Kneeling down by my bed, crying, praying, feeling sorry for myself that morning...

right at THAT moment, Zack and Tyler showed up, each of them carrying roses for their Mama. The timing couldn't have been better.

At work that evening, Zack showed up, bearing a gorgeous flower arrangement from Ashli and Mack. So the day was OK. Tawni and my Dad sent me texts, a couple of my friends checked in on me, and I survived the lovers' holiday. And now I'm in the home stretch. No more emotional holidays in the near future. Yay!!!!

~ Aunt Joey~

My Aunt JoAnne passed away this morning. I'm still in shock. All day I've been thinking it just can't be true. There are so many conversations that we never had. Things I thought we would sit down and say one day. And now "one day" will never come. Every single memory from my childhood has Joey and her kids in it. We were inseparable. We did everything together from Sunday dinners to Christmas Eve to summer vacations. When I was a little girl, I thought she was elegant. She dressed well, smelled good and knew just how to do Melissa's beautiful hair. When I was a teenager, I borrowed her clothes and her shoes, and when I broke the heel of her favorite black pumps, I thought she was going to kill me. She never did find a pair she liked as well as those. That's one of the conversations we never had. Joey, I'm sorry. For so many things. Thank you. For so many things. I love you. I'm sorry I haven't told you that for many, many years. I always thought I would tell you one day. During one of those conversations we were going to have. One day. Thank you for bringing my cousins into this world and for loving their children the way I know my Mom would have loved mine. Thank you for calling my baby sister last week and for taking her a gift when Lincoln was born. Thank you for making an effort to stay in touch with us even when we were all so busy and wrapped up in our lives that we didn't spend as much time with you as we should have. Thank you for buying us dresses and black patent shoes when we were little. You knew it was important. Thank you. Thank you for sitting us down at Sizzler and telling us we were too young to get married. We got married anyway. But thank you for worrying, for caring. Thank you for taking care of my sister-in-law when she was still with us. You weren't related to Teri, but you treated her like one of the family. Thank you.

And here is Joey with my Grandma at the birthday bash Joey planned to celebrate Grandma's 80th year on this earth. Grandma had lost her 2nd child 10 months prior to the party. And now she's lost her 3rd child. Along with 8 of her 9 brothers and sisters. Her parents. Her husband. Her 17 year old granddaughter. My heart absolutely breaks over and over again today for my dear Grandma. I will never understand why the hardest things happen to the strongest people. It doesn't seem fair that my Grandma has said goodbye to so many loved ones. She amazes me. When I called her this morning, we were both sobbing so hard we couldn't even understand what we were trying to say to each other. She's been through so much. And loved Joey so much. If anyone hurt JoAnne, they were NEVER forgiven by her Mama.

Joey, Grandma and some of the grandkids... There are so many wrapped in this hug, I can't tell who all is there...

Joey was always good to my Dad after Mom died. Her she is with my Dad and my cute little Granny, my Dad's Mom. We lost Granny last year on Thanksgiving Day. I hate November.

My Mom died on November 24, 1987. And now she has her little sister there with her. I'm actually a little bit jealous that Joey gets to see her again.


Because this man loved them enough to give them an eternal family. My Mom was 8 and Joey was 6 when Grandma met Larry Swenson. My biological grandfather, Ray Freston, and Grandma Becca divorced at a time when it was rare and very difficult for single women. But Grandpa came along and raised Becky and Joey as his own. When Ray passed away in 1977, Grandpa took a very pregnant Becky and a very pregnant JoAnne to the judge's chambers and adopted them, even though they were both grown up and married with families of their own. It was just a formality. They were his girls all along. And now he has them both, back with him where they always belonged. Grandpa left this earth on September 14, 1998, at 86 years of age.

Along with the boy they called their baby brother even though he was 6 1/2 feet tall. Marv died of leukemia on October 2, 2005. He didn't talk about his feelings much at all, but at Grandpa's funeral, he said something along the lines that his Dad was probably sitting on a porch swing with Becky. I like to think there are a few of them on that swing now.

And the only thing that has made me smile at all today is the thought of the reunion JoAnne had with her baby girl, Anna. Marianna died in a car accident when she was 17 years old~on April 19, 1999~and Joey was never the same. She talked about Anna all the time, and visited her grave often. And now the two of them will flit off to California to check on Maksi and the Sinkliers, walk along the beach and listen to Bono. For Joey, I am happy. I am certain she was welcomed by a crowd of people who have been waiting a long time to see her. For Zeke, John and all of the others who loved her so very much, I am sad. Thank you for what you brought to my life, Joey. I'll tell you. One day.

Day 4 ~ Tawni aka Puggy

Not really sure why Paul started calling Tawni "Pug", but that's her.. Pug, Puggy, Puglet.

Love my baby sister. She and Mark tried for so long to have their first baby and we were all so worried that she wouldn't be able to have kids. Now she has her hands full with her three little boys and she's a great Mom:) Tawni is a gentle soul and a sweet, loving girl. She was born on Paul's birthday and they've always had a special bond. So glad Mom and Dad decided to have just one more baby!

Day 4 - Steven aka Hig

If you called my Dad's house and asked for Steven, everyone would be looking for Tara's husband. This is Hig. Not sure when it started but it stuck. He has the kindest heart of any of my brothers and sisters. It used to break his heart when Kurt & I or Tami & Dave would argue after we got married. I've never heard him say an unkind thing to or about any of us. We don't see much of him anymore, maybe a couple of times a year. But it's always awesome to see him. Hig has had a lot of heartbreak in his life, losing friends and loved ones to death at young ages, and I think he protects his heart very carefully. He's never been married, although he's had some great women in his life over the years. I don't THINK he has any children, but he'd be a great, loving, compassionate Dad. I love this guy with all my heart and I pray every day for peace and happiness to follow him throughout his life.

Day 3

The blog topic for today is "Your Parents" so I'm re-posting an old post about my Mom. But I better add something about my Dad, too!!!

My Dad never forgets a birthday, anniversary or Valentine's Day.. He never fails to send a card to me, Kurt and the kids, complete with one of his ink stamps in the bottom corner by his signature. He sends facebook hearts, hugs and smiles every day. He's very talented. He can fix anything and we never had to call anyone from a plumber to a building contractor when I was growing up. He built the addition to our home, sewed a 3-piece suit and has rebuilt countless vehicles from the engine to the paint job. He is an amazing woodworker, and I love the gifts he creates for me.

When people tell me "You remind me of your Mom", I know it's just my physical appearance. Noone ever really stops and tells me "You remind me of your Mom because..." Here's what I'd like to hear...

Becky Callister was a passionate person. She loved, laughed, cried all with the same intensity. I inherited that from her. Tami inherited that from her. We do nothing halfway. When I'm mad, I'm not just a little upset... I'm MAD!! When I like a Christmas gift, I don't just smile and say "Thank you". I jump up and squeal and scream and act like it's the most amazing gift I've ever received.

Becky Callister was an avid sports fan. If we couldn't find her at Grandma's house, we'd check the ball park. She donated countless hours to Bobby Sox and Little League. She used to ump games and they'd give her one hamburger from the snack bar for every game she umped. So she'd stand there behind home plate on a Saturday, game after game, in the hot sun, until she got a hamburger for each of us kids.

All of Becky's kids have spent more than one summer vacation at softball or baseball tournaments with our own kids.

When I see Tami, Tara, Paul and Ted at ball games with their kids, weekend after weekend all summer, I remember Mom and Grandma Becca doing the same thing.

When we were younger, before cable TV and the Turner networks, you either liked the Dodgers or the Yankees, because they were the only teams you ever saw play on TV. So, Mom was a Yankees fan, Grandma Becca was a Yankees fan, I married a Yankees fan and gave birth to three little Yankees fans.

Even Tara and Tawni's kids are getting old enough to play ball now.

Zack bought Logan his first baseball bat for his birthday this year. Mom would be so proud:)

My Mom was always too busy taking care of other people to take care of herself. I don't think I ever saw her wearing makeup. When she'd need to get her hair done, she'd have Judy Ault cut it short and perm it so it was low maintenance. She was just too busy to worry about hair and makeup when there were places to go, people to see and kids to watch at ball games or spelling bees. Until she got sick, I don't remember seeing my Mom actually sleeping. Sometimes she'd doze off in a chair, but she was always up before me and in bed sometime after I went to sleep.

My Mom taught me my first Primary song- "The Golden Plates"- and taught me that Families can be together forever. She got me hooked on Saturday's Warrior and I have those songs on my iPod today.

She taught me that the greatest gift God ever gave her was her children. Because of her love for us all, I couldn't wait to be a Mom myself someday.

She had a laundry basket full of unmatched socks. Yup, I do, too. I know I should throw them away, but I keep thinking the mate will turn up somewhere.

She had a hard time letting go of me. I moved up to Weber State to start college, and she showed up two days later to "check on me". I was SO mad!! Man, I'd like to have that day back. I get it now. It's hard to let go of your daughter. I inherited that from my Mom.





My Mom passed away 22 years ago. I still miss her so much sometimes. I know she'd have been an awesome Grandma, and she would have loved my husband. She'd be proud of all of her kids and grandkids and I like to believe our babies will get to meet her someday.

The House That Built Me

So the sale of our home fell through last week. When the offer came in on March 13, four days after we listed it on ksl.com, it seemed like an answer to our prayers. We planned how we'd get out of debt with the equity from the sale, get Zack started in college in the Fall and maybe even take a trip to California this summer.

But the cute couple who put in the offer got tired of the fight with the Rural Development people after two months, and we decided not to re-list the house.

As I watched Tyler hang his pictures back up on his bedroom walls, I realized that this is the only home he's ever known. He has barbecues in the backyard with his friends, sits at the bar in the kitchen while I cook and tells me about his days at school.

We had Ashli's wedding reception in the backyard last summer and when I look at the deck, I remember our good friend Phil playing music while our friends and loved ones danced and celebrated the beginning of Ashli and Mack's life together.

There's the tree house my Dad, husband, brother-in-law, sons and nephews built.

Sophie, Durt and Chester have a permanent home here in the pine trees and tulip bed.

So, while it would have been nice to get that equity, this is home.

Men...

When I first got married a million years ago (Ok, 21..) I remember being a little surprised that my new husband wasn't exactly like my Dad. I thought all men could fix ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING like my Dad could. We never called a plumber, a mechanic or even a contractor when I was growing up. Dad just fixed everything and even built his own addition to our house when our family outgrew the little home they bought from Grandpa Larry for $7,000! I expected that Kurt would do the same.

The first time we had to call the Roto-Rooter man and pay him $45 to snake a drain, I was pretty frustrated because I was convinced my Dad could have done it for nothing. Fortunately, I quickly learned that even though he was NOTHING like my Dad, Kurt was EXACTLY what I needed and wanted in my life. He cannot fix a car engine. Nope. He can change the oil but he'd rather take it to someone else. Give Kurt five weeks of sick leave, and he just simply won't use it. I think he may have missed two days of work with sickness in the whole time I've known him. He works hard and takes care of us and I am so glad he is exactly who he is.

This morning I found myself frustrated because my new Son-in-Law isn't EXACTLY like Kurt. And I found myself remembering that Kurt wasn't exactly like my Dad, either. I'm slowly learning to be a Mother-in-Law and I'm usually not very good at it. Fortunately for Mack, he has a wonderful wife who knows that he is her top priority. She successfully makes us all feel loved and respected and helps us all learn to navigate this new stage of life. So even though he is not exactly like her Dad, I think Ashli is pretty happy with him just the way he is:)