BUSY-NESS

SUPER DUPER busy around here, which is GGGGRRREEAATTT!!! I used to brag to my kids that "I am the BUSIEST person ALIVE!" but then I heard President Uchtdorf's talk in general conference about not wearing our busy-ness as a badge of honor, so I had to lay off on saying that. lol. 

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/of-regrets-and-resolutions

It is nice to be busy, though. I love it. 

Let's see. where to start? 

 Riken's Blessing was AMAZING! Tyler blessed him in the Moroni 3rd Ward on April 10, 2013, and he did a beautiful job:) I'm so proud of him. 

 We finally got to meet Zack's girlfried McKenna the weekend of the blessing. She's adorable. Super quiet, which is hard to get used to, but we adore her:) 

 Of course there's THIS guy:) LOVE HIM!!!!! 

I had NO idea my Grandma was coming to Riken's blessing, and I was SO excited to see her walk into the chapel. We couldn't do a 5 generation picture, per se, because my Mom passed away in 1987,but my Dad stepped up to stand in her spot for our photo. 

GREAT-GREAT GRANDMA Wilma Rebecca Abrams Freston Swenson Hunsaker 

GREAT-GRANDPA Thomas Jefferies Callister (wife was Rebecca Freston Swenson Callister) 

GRANDMA Tina Rebecca Callister Allred Carlson

MOM Ashli Rebecca Allred Brown

BABY Riken J. Brown  

Super awesome, yeah? 

Last Saturday we had a great Relief Society women's conference here in the Ephraim stake, and I was surprised to see Corinne Jenkins, who had been my visiting teacher for 10 years or so when I lived in Nephi. I went over to say hi to her after the meeting, and she, being 88 years old, had no idea who I was. Kind of broke my heart a little tiny bit. Getting old isn't fun. I'm ALREADY forgetting things and I'm only.... well, you know, only 29 and 15 or so. 

One of Ken's friends passed away this past week, and the funeral was yesterday. His daughter is one of the girls in our Sunday School class, and she gave a beautiful tribute to her Dad at the funeral. Things like this really make me appreciate the ones I love and how fragile life is. Kevin was one of the people who was immediately warm and loving to me when I moved to Ephraim, just because I was Ken's. They love Ken, so they love me. It's a wonderful feeling and part of the reason Ephraim feels like home to me. Kevin will be missed. There wasn't room to hold all of the people who attended his funeral. Chairs were set up clear to the back wall of the cultural hall, then they started lining up chairs in the hallways outside the chapels, the relief society room filled up, and people were standing anywhere in the building where they could hear the speakers from the chapel. It was a beautiful tribute to a great man. 

Then my final thought for this week. Kurt and I have been sending emails back and forth lately. It's easier than texting when we have more than a couple sentences to say,  and a phone call doesn't always come at exactly the right time. Emails can be opened, pondered and answered at the reader's convenience. It works for us. Well, in this one email, I was thinking a lot about how I used to treat people when I was married to Kurt. He is a huge flirt, he knows it, and I don't think it would bother him to know that I said it here. But I didn't know how to handle it, so I ended up just giving people (particularly beautiful young women) the cold shoulder when I knew he was friends with them. We'd be out in public and I'd completely ignore these people. I didn't realize at the time just how poorly I was handling the situation. Recently I've been going through something where someone is doing the same thing to Ashli and I can see how hurtful it is. I hate that I used to act like that, and I'm really embarrassed now that I did it. So if any of you beautiful women from Nephi read this, and I was rude to you because my ex-husband was your friend, I'm sorry!!!! Well, I wanted to tell Kurt I was sorry, too. So I told him in an email, and he responded saying that it was time for us to quit apologizing for the past. He said if he had to apologize for every time he'd hurt me, he'd be very unproductive because he wouldn't have time for anything else. lol. He said he was sorry for all of the hurt he caused me and he hoped we could just move on now and be friends, not just the kids' parents.  I wanted to hear that for a long time. He did hurt me. But I hurt him too. And it truly doesn't even matter anymore. I absolutely ADORE Ken, and he is the perfect man for me. I'm also really grateful that Kurt and I had our kids together, because I think we had the same ideas about parenting, and we did a pretty good job at raising kids. So all of the other stuff needs to finally just be put away. The hurt is gone. I don't like hug him when I see him or anything, but yeah, I think we can be friends. It feels a whole lot better than carrying around all the hatred and bitterness that I had for so long. 

The Clothesline Project

So my daughter, Ashli, works at a residential treatment center for young men ages 12-18. It has profoundly changed her life, and consequently, mine. She has learned communication and coping skills that have made the past year not only bearable, but ultimately beautiful for me. Tonight she asked me to go with her to see the display of "The Clothesline Project" at UVU in Orem. I would be missing a math quiz at college, but hearing her describe the display, I knew it would be well worth it.

And it was.

Victims of violence, emotional and sexual abuse write or paint on t-shirts, saying whatever it is they want to say. Some of the shirts are pretty raw and painful to read. Some of them I actually couldn't read. The organizers don't censor the shirts at all, and you don't exactly leave the event with a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Someone had made a shirt for Lori Hacking, with a tiny little onesie attached to the larger t-shirt. That one was pretty powerful.

I didn't start to cry until "Rockit", the secretary of the Central Utah chapter of BACA, started speaking at the podium. She described a time when her BACA chapter was in court with a 5 year old girl. She was afraid to walk down the hall to the bathroom because her father was seated in the hallway. So the bikers formed a circle around her and escorted her down the hall. I cried when I heard that. Every child needs a circle around them. Every child needs to feel safe. Far, far too many are not safe, not loved, not protected. It is impossible for me to articulate everything I felt as I looked at the hundreds of t-shirts on display. I only know that I was there for a reason. The things that have occurred in my life have occurred for a reason and I can't stop thinking about this tonight. Everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle.

I must find a way to make a difference for someone in some small way every day.

SO many people have made a difference for me this past year.

Ashli and Mack insisted that I move in with them exactly a year ago this week.

Instead of me sitting alone in my apartment crying every single night.

They brought me back to life.

It wasn't easy for them. To have mom living there. Crying every single night. But they did it anyway.

Tami listened to me cry any time I needed to. No matter what time of the day or night. Jeanie sent me flowers on a particularly rough day.

Steve and Bob flirted with me and made me feel like a girl again.

Lisa checked up on me via text, facebook message or blog comment to make sure I was doing ok.

Grandma sent me money.

The list goes on and on.

I thought my life was over.

And I had a circle around me making damn sure that it wasn't.

I didn't really have that when I was younger.

I'm glad I have it now.

And I hope I can be in someone's circle when they really need it.

I Won't Let Go

A few weeks ago, Ashli made this song her ringback tone. I like to call her just to hear it.

LOVE it:) I like to think she chose it just for me.

I have a pretty huge circle of people who stand by me.

My grandma is so cute. Not sure she'd want me to share the cute stuff she says to me, but she makes me smile.

She calls me Tina Rebecca and Ashli she calls Ashli Rebecca.

Whenever she talks to us.

We're truly loved by this lady.

Nice to be loved:)

Had a great day, btw!!!

'Night...

~ Aunt Joey~

My Aunt JoAnne passed away this morning. I'm still in shock. All day I've been thinking it just can't be true. There are so many conversations that we never had. Things I thought we would sit down and say one day. And now "one day" will never come. Every single memory from my childhood has Joey and her kids in it. We were inseparable. We did everything together from Sunday dinners to Christmas Eve to summer vacations. When I was a little girl, I thought she was elegant. She dressed well, smelled good and knew just how to do Melissa's beautiful hair. When I was a teenager, I borrowed her clothes and her shoes, and when I broke the heel of her favorite black pumps, I thought she was going to kill me. She never did find a pair she liked as well as those. That's one of the conversations we never had. Joey, I'm sorry. For so many things. Thank you. For so many things. I love you. I'm sorry I haven't told you that for many, many years. I always thought I would tell you one day. During one of those conversations we were going to have. One day. Thank you for bringing my cousins into this world and for loving their children the way I know my Mom would have loved mine. Thank you for calling my baby sister last week and for taking her a gift when Lincoln was born. Thank you for making an effort to stay in touch with us even when we were all so busy and wrapped up in our lives that we didn't spend as much time with you as we should have. Thank you for buying us dresses and black patent shoes when we were little. You knew it was important. Thank you. Thank you for sitting us down at Sizzler and telling us we were too young to get married. We got married anyway. But thank you for worrying, for caring. Thank you for taking care of my sister-in-law when she was still with us. You weren't related to Teri, but you treated her like one of the family. Thank you.

And here is Joey with my Grandma at the birthday bash Joey planned to celebrate Grandma's 80th year on this earth. Grandma had lost her 2nd child 10 months prior to the party. And now she's lost her 3rd child. Along with 8 of her 9 brothers and sisters. Her parents. Her husband. Her 17 year old granddaughter. My heart absolutely breaks over and over again today for my dear Grandma. I will never understand why the hardest things happen to the strongest people. It doesn't seem fair that my Grandma has said goodbye to so many loved ones. She amazes me. When I called her this morning, we were both sobbing so hard we couldn't even understand what we were trying to say to each other. She's been through so much. And loved Joey so much. If anyone hurt JoAnne, they were NEVER forgiven by her Mama.

Joey, Grandma and some of the grandkids... There are so many wrapped in this hug, I can't tell who all is there...

Joey was always good to my Dad after Mom died. Her she is with my Dad and my cute little Granny, my Dad's Mom. We lost Granny last year on Thanksgiving Day. I hate November.

My Mom died on November 24, 1987. And now she has her little sister there with her. I'm actually a little bit jealous that Joey gets to see her again.


Because this man loved them enough to give them an eternal family. My Mom was 8 and Joey was 6 when Grandma met Larry Swenson. My biological grandfather, Ray Freston, and Grandma Becca divorced at a time when it was rare and very difficult for single women. But Grandpa came along and raised Becky and Joey as his own. When Ray passed away in 1977, Grandpa took a very pregnant Becky and a very pregnant JoAnne to the judge's chambers and adopted them, even though they were both grown up and married with families of their own. It was just a formality. They were his girls all along. And now he has them both, back with him where they always belonged. Grandpa left this earth on September 14, 1998, at 86 years of age.

Along with the boy they called their baby brother even though he was 6 1/2 feet tall. Marv died of leukemia on October 2, 2005. He didn't talk about his feelings much at all, but at Grandpa's funeral, he said something along the lines that his Dad was probably sitting on a porch swing with Becky. I like to think there are a few of them on that swing now.

And the only thing that has made me smile at all today is the thought of the reunion JoAnne had with her baby girl, Anna. Marianna died in a car accident when she was 17 years old~on April 19, 1999~and Joey was never the same. She talked about Anna all the time, and visited her grave often. And now the two of them will flit off to California to check on Maksi and the Sinkliers, walk along the beach and listen to Bono. For Joey, I am happy. I am certain she was welcomed by a crowd of people who have been waiting a long time to see her. For Zeke, John and all of the others who loved her so very much, I am sad. Thank you for what you brought to my life, Joey. I'll tell you. One day.

Day 3

The blog topic for today is "Your Parents" so I'm re-posting an old post about my Mom. But I better add something about my Dad, too!!!

My Dad never forgets a birthday, anniversary or Valentine's Day.. He never fails to send a card to me, Kurt and the kids, complete with one of his ink stamps in the bottom corner by his signature. He sends facebook hearts, hugs and smiles every day. He's very talented. He can fix anything and we never had to call anyone from a plumber to a building contractor when I was growing up. He built the addition to our home, sewed a 3-piece suit and has rebuilt countless vehicles from the engine to the paint job. He is an amazing woodworker, and I love the gifts he creates for me.

When people tell me "You remind me of your Mom", I know it's just my physical appearance. Noone ever really stops and tells me "You remind me of your Mom because..." Here's what I'd like to hear...

Becky Callister was a passionate person. She loved, laughed, cried all with the same intensity. I inherited that from her. Tami inherited that from her. We do nothing halfway. When I'm mad, I'm not just a little upset... I'm MAD!! When I like a Christmas gift, I don't just smile and say "Thank you". I jump up and squeal and scream and act like it's the most amazing gift I've ever received.

Becky Callister was an avid sports fan. If we couldn't find her at Grandma's house, we'd check the ball park. She donated countless hours to Bobby Sox and Little League. She used to ump games and they'd give her one hamburger from the snack bar for every game she umped. So she'd stand there behind home plate on a Saturday, game after game, in the hot sun, until she got a hamburger for each of us kids.

All of Becky's kids have spent more than one summer vacation at softball or baseball tournaments with our own kids.

When I see Tami, Tara, Paul and Ted at ball games with their kids, weekend after weekend all summer, I remember Mom and Grandma Becca doing the same thing.

When we were younger, before cable TV and the Turner networks, you either liked the Dodgers or the Yankees, because they were the only teams you ever saw play on TV. So, Mom was a Yankees fan, Grandma Becca was a Yankees fan, I married a Yankees fan and gave birth to three little Yankees fans.

Even Tara and Tawni's kids are getting old enough to play ball now.

Zack bought Logan his first baseball bat for his birthday this year. Mom would be so proud:)

My Mom was always too busy taking care of other people to take care of herself. I don't think I ever saw her wearing makeup. When she'd need to get her hair done, she'd have Judy Ault cut it short and perm it so it was low maintenance. She was just too busy to worry about hair and makeup when there were places to go, people to see and kids to watch at ball games or spelling bees. Until she got sick, I don't remember seeing my Mom actually sleeping. Sometimes she'd doze off in a chair, but she was always up before me and in bed sometime after I went to sleep.

My Mom taught me my first Primary song- "The Golden Plates"- and taught me that Families can be together forever. She got me hooked on Saturday's Warrior and I have those songs on my iPod today.

She taught me that the greatest gift God ever gave her was her children. Because of her love for us all, I couldn't wait to be a Mom myself someday.

She had a laundry basket full of unmatched socks. Yup, I do, too. I know I should throw them away, but I keep thinking the mate will turn up somewhere.

She had a hard time letting go of me. I moved up to Weber State to start college, and she showed up two days later to "check on me". I was SO mad!! Man, I'd like to have that day back. I get it now. It's hard to let go of your daughter. I inherited that from my Mom.





My Mom passed away 22 years ago. I still miss her so much sometimes. I know she'd have been an awesome Grandma, and she would have loved my husband. She'd be proud of all of her kids and grandkids and I like to believe our babies will get to meet her someday.