Limbo Land

I'm living in limbo land. I know I need radiation but no chemotherapy. YAY for the no chemo part. But I don't know exactly WHEN I'll start radiation. 

And I get feeling better each day, which is super nice. 

But once radiation starts, I will get feeling super yucky again. I will go every day Monday-Friday for 5 1/2 weeks. 28 rounds of radiation. If you google it, you only see the very worst pictures of radiation burns and permanent skin damage. But what choice do you have, really? I had a grade 1 tumor with a teeny tiny little bit of cancer in the sentinel node that was removed. So maybe that was all the cancer that I had. And maybe it wasn't. So radiation. I had a test called a Mammaprint which is supposed to tell you how mean your tumor was. If it was a mean tumor, that was growing rapidly and likely to have moved beyond the lymph nodes, I would have needed chemo. But my Mammaprint came back as "low risk" so I just do radiation. Sometime. When my temporary expanders are full enough for eventual reconstruction. The drains are out, but the doctor acted like it was too soon to take them out. I was getting less than 25 ccs of fluid out of each drain each day, and that is when they take them out. But she seemed hesitant to do it. She warned me that the temporary breasts may fill up with fluid and I would need to call the surgeon  immediately if that seemed to be happening so he can use an ultrasound and manually drain the breasts. So like every time I feel a tiny bit weird, I think my breasts are full of fluid because my drains came out too early, I'm going to get some massive infection and the incisions will open up like an earthquake. I definitely went back to work too soon. I went back two weeks after my double mastectomy, with the drains still in place. I had staff meeting, a really tough court case, and I was supposed to do a supervised visit with the mom of the really tough court case. Fortunately, Val came through and did the supervised visit for me, so I was able to go home after court. I've had a lot of doctor appointments, so I'm not back full-time, but that first day was rough. Today was great. I wasn't tired, I got a lot done. I've found that if I drink lots of water each day, walk as much as I can, and force myself to stop for breaks and lunch, I do pretty well. Pre-cancer, I worked 12 hour days and never stopped for lunch. I lived on caffeine. I never socialized with my colleagues. Now I sit with them in the breakroom and eat a healthy lunch. It's good for my psyche and my body. 

 The best part of having cancer is that you get to see how much people really love you. I've had so many visitors since all of this started. These pictures barely put a dent in it. I love my people so much <3 p="">

Staten James Allred

On Tuesday, March 22. 2017, my daughter-in-law Kieonah gave birth to my 3rd grandson, Staten James Allred. Staten was born at 10:57 PM, weighing 7 lbs 15 ounces, 21 1/4 inches long. His name was chosen for Staten Island, because my son Tyler met his wife Kieonah when they were both serving as missionaries for the LDS church in the New York New York North mission. 

Kieonah had invited me to be in the room with her when she delivered the baby, and while I was honored that she asked, I really didn't think I wanted to be there. Her Mom would be there, Tyler would be there, and I just wasn't sure I should. But once her contractions started, I knew I couldn't leave. It was an amazing experience, watching this teeny little girl go through 15 hours of labor to bring my son's son into this world. 

Every time a contraction started, she reached for Tyler's hand. And hour after hour, his hand was there for her. 

My kids drove 6 hours to be there, and seeing them hold Ty's baby was a moment I will never forget. 

Rogue was fascinated that there is someone littler than him. I think they will be good friends as they grow up. 

Ken was amazing. He waited in this tiny waiting room all 15 hours, going out for food when Ty needed something. We are so blessed to have Ken in our lives. 

And now I'm excited to watch my youngest child raise his own family. 

Life is good :) 

The Moments I Live For

 So, yeah, having kids that live in St George means that summer starts like three months earlier than we're used to:) We spent the weekend at the OUTDOOR pool in FEBRUARY in La Verkin. WHAT??? 

 Mack made some awesome outdoor Yahtzee dice. 

 7 months pregnant with her second son, Rogue, Ashli just soaks up the rays. 

 Kenna keeps score:) 

 We love it when Mack cooks. This weekend we tried his grilled sweet potatoes for the first time. YUMMY! 

 My man:)

 My middlest child:)

 All of the kids have told us how great Dixie Rock is, so we finally hiked up there. It was AWESOME!!! 

 A couple days before Easter, Ashli and Riken came to Ephraim for a quick visit. Too quick, but it was good for my soul to see them:) 

 Haha. Ashli and I did our pedicures, so Riken filed his feet too. 

 Easter egg hunt in Nana's backyard.

 Lunch at Rodgers at the very table where Ashli told me she was pregnant with Riken four years ago:) 

When Ashli and Riken left to go home, Riken and I both cried. I love this little guy more than I ever though possible. 

Tyler's Wedding

 A few months before Tyler came home from his mission, he sent me a long letter telling me that he had met a Sister missionary out in the mission field. He assured me that they had done NOTHING inappropriate and didn't even email each other on pdays, but that he would probably want to spend some time with her after they got home from their missions. They would actually be flying home on the same day. Sisters serve for 18  months, Elders for 24 months. So I began email correspondence with the young lady, Kieonah Smoot. I loved her before I met her. She told me that the first time she knew Tyler was someone special was one day in the Bronx when he had received a package in the mail. The Elders were teasing him, saying "Ooh, is that from a GIRL?" and he replied "The only girl that really matters... my Mom". They came home in August, got engaged in November and married on January 16 in the Manti temple. We couldn't be happier! 

 I LOVE that both of my sons chose wives who are so much like their sister. Zack's wife McKenna is on the left, my daughter Ashli on the right. 

This was tough for me. I cried buckets of tears as I shared this dance with my youngest child. Probably in part because he had Zack play "The Baby" by Blake Shelton. From the first time I heard that song, it brings me to tears. I am so happy that my kids have all found wonderful spouses and I hope they have amazing marriages. 

Fluffy's Home!

On August 6, 2015, my son Tyler Allred returned from serving a 2 year LDS mission in New York, New York. 

 My daughter-in-law McKenna helped me decorate the house to get ready for his homecoming. 

Riken hadn't seen Tyler since he was 8 months old, except on four Skype calls throughout his mission, so we were pretty worried he wouldn't know him and wouldn't go to him. Not to worry. He went right to him and wouldn't let go. 

 When Ty was serving in Harlem, he had these shirts made for all of us, so we wore them to the airport to welcome him home. 

This hug is indescribable. I hadn't seen my youngest child for 2 years. There is nothing that can compare to this moment. 

He's become a man. He's ready to take on the world. I can't wait to see what's next for this guy! 

Color Your Future

So I finally got my Bachelor's Degree. I first started college in 1986 and finally finished in 2015. Yay!!! I was asked to be the student speaker at commencement exercises, which was a huge honor. I had a lot of support at the ceremony and it was a great evening. 

Merry Christmas 2013

Where to start? 

OK. Here. Riken, Ashli and Mack were here for a few days before Christmas, and it is absolutely amazing how much he has grown and changed even in the past couple of weeks. He is a little man now, not a baby anymore. I am SO proud of Ashli and Mack for being such good parents. On Monday night, Riken just really didn't want anything but his bottle. He cried real tears (which is pretty rare for him)  and it was so hard to see him being so sad. We all knew that a bottle would make it all better, but Ashli and Mack stuck to their guns and he eventually fell asleep without it. He slept 11 hours and woke up happy as can be. I'm proud of them for not taking the path of least resistance in their parenting, and for making decisions that are good for their little man. This guy knows how much he is loved and I couldn't be more proud of them all. 

Now to Zack! He thought of his romantic proposal to McKenna ALL BY HIMSELF!!! I'm so proud of him.  Kenna wanted to start a tradition of giving each other an ornament on Christmas Eve, so he had the idea to put the ring inside a beautiful ornament and propose to her that way. We are all SO happy! We love her so much and we're so excited to welcome her into the family. 

Mack and Zack both had to work on Christmas Day, so we got permission from Ty's mission president to Skype with him on Christmas Eve. It was SO great!!!! He grinned from ear to ear through the whole call, and he looks so awesome. I knew I missed him, but I didn't realize how much until I saw his face. I cried a lot after the call ended, just missing him, but I wouldn't trade that hour for anything in the world. I can't WAIT for Mothers' Day to see him again:) 

I got a beautiful facebook message from Kim Marshall, an investigator he has been teaching. She will be baptized in two weeks and she has asked Ty to baptize her. Her life has changed so much since she started learning the Gospel, and she thanked me for making the sacrifice of sending my son into the mission field. She thanked me for raising such a wonderful young man, and it was one of the BEST Christmas gifts I've ever received, hearing from her like that. 

Another great surprise came from Alec when he called last night to tell us that his Dad proposed to his Mom after being together for 12 years and having three beautiful kids together. He bought her a beautiful ring with help from the boys, and they're all excited to make their family official. As are we:) !! 

I love the moments when I see our grandbabies, but moments with both Ken's and mine together are rare. We took Riken over to Zane's birthday party on the 23rd, and Miss Oaklee wanted me to hold her, too. This is a precious moment for me. Ken has 11 grandkids and of course I have little Riken, so I love it when we can blend well and Rike gets to play with his little cousins in this big, crazy, blended family of ours. 

Jen and the kids were our final visit on Christmas Day, and it was so great to spend a few minutes with all of them. 

All in all, this was a very Merry Christmas all the way around.  

 Smiles like this one are the highlight of my life... 

 And what more could a Mom wish for her kids than this? Was it REALLY 5 years ago when he proposed to her on Christmas Eve?

My little girl... ah... life is good!