Lessons Learned from a Liberal

On Sunday, I spent 7 hours with an old friend in San Francisco. At first glance, we would appear to be polar opposites. I arrived in my husband’s semi-truck, the quintessential redneck hicks from Utah. She has a gorgeous haircut , a great corporate job and she’s a *gasp* Democrat!!!! I was a little worried about what we’d talk about. I hadn’t seen her for 23 years and I didn’t want our first visit to turn into a heated political battle. I shouldn’t have worried. It was wonderful to see her again, and I am learning at 41 years of age, to embrace diversity. I learned a lot in my “Day with a Democrat”…..

1. Wear sensible shoes. I wore jeans and ropers. My boots get more comfortable every time I wear them. They’re two years old now and I love them, but they weren’t the best choice for walking along the piers. I learned to be prepared for opportunities that may arise. Dress in layers in case the weather changes, and wear sensible shoes in case you have the chance to do something amazing outdoors.

2. We went to a San Francisco Giants/LA Dodgers game and she suggested we try the garlic fries. I love what she said “The best thing about the garlic fries is that you get to enjoy them for three or four days”. Ha Ha! They were delicious, and the taste definitely lingered long after the fries were gone!

3. I went to San Francisco about ten years ago, and I hated it. I wondered what in the world people saw in that city. Seeing San Francisco through her eyes made me fall in love with the city. She told me about the architecture, about the history of her beloved Giants, and simply walking around the beautiful Bay made me see how people from every walk of life could find a home in San Francisco.

4. Who would have thought that I’d learn my greatest lesson about being a Christian on a Sunday at an MLB game, when I probably should have been at church? Lisa told me about her friend... a born-again Christian… and this is what she said about him “He could see a 400-pound woman in a bikini with pink hair and not bat an eye”. Beautiful! That is what being Christ-like is all about. It’s not about judging others and keeping score like so many of us “Latter Day Saints” do. We tend to be an arrogant, holier-than-though people and I vow to be less judgmental of others and more like Christ in my dealings with my fellow man.

5. You don’t have to eat carrots sticks and spend four hours a day in the gym to be physically fit. People in San Francisco eat everything from fried shrimp to artisan cheeses (Which she treated us to…delicious!), but incorporate fitness into their everyday lives. They walk, ride bikes, jog. Exercise is part of their daily lives, part of their social lives, and an essential means of transportation in a city where owning a vehicle is really more of a burden than a convenience. So if you see me walking to work, don’t offer me a ride, please. I’m incorporating fitness into my everyday life!

Mom

The blog topic for today is "Your Parents" so I'm re-posting an old post about my Mom. But I better add something about my Dad, too!!!

My Dad never forgets a birthday, anniversary or Valentine's Day.. He never fails to send a card to me, Kurt and the kids, complete with one of his ink stamps in the bottom corner by his signature. He sends facebook hearts, hugs and smiles every day. He's very talented. He can fix anything and we never had to call anyone from a plumber to a building contractor when I was growing up. He built the addition to our home, sewed a 3-piece suit and has rebuilt countless vehicles from the engine to the paint job. He is an amazing woodworker, and I love the gifts he creates for me.

When people tell me "You remind me of your Mom", I know it's just my physical appearance. Noone ever really stops and tells me "You remind me of your Mom because..." Here's what I'd like to hear...

Becky Callister was a passionate person. She loved, laughed, cried all with the same intensity. I inherited that from her. Tami inherited that from her. We do nothing halfway. When I'm mad, I'm not just a little upset... I'm MAD!! When I like a Christmas gift, I don't just smile and say "Thank you". I jump up and squeal and scream and act like it's the most amazing gift I've ever received.

Becky Callister was an avid sports fan. If we couldn't find her at Grandma's house, we'd check the ball park. She donated countless hours to Bobby Sox and Little League. She used to ump games and they'd give her one hamburger from the snack bar for every game she umped. So she'd stand there behind home plate on a Saturday, game after game, in the hot sun, until she got a hamburger for each of us kids.

All of Becky's kids have spent more than one summer vacation at softball or baseball tournaments with our own kids.

When I see Tami, Tara, Paul and Ted at ball games with their kids, weekend after weekend all summer, I remember Mom and Grandma Becca doing the same thing.

When we were younger, before cable TV and the Turner networks, you either liked the Dodgers or the Yankees, because they were the only teams you ever saw play on TV. So, Mom was a Yankees fan, Grandma Becca was a Yankees fan, I married a Yankees fan and gave birth to three little Yankees fans.

Even Tara and Tawni's kids are getting old enough to play ball now.

Zack bought Logan his first baseball bat for his birthday this year. Mom would be so proud:)

My Mom was always too busy taking care of other people to take care of herself. I don't think I ever saw her wearing makeup. When she'd need to get her hair done, she'd have Judy Ault cut it short and perm it so it was low maintenance. She was just too busy to worry about hair and makeup when there were places to go, people to see and kids to watch at ball games or spelling bees. Until she got sick, I don't remember seeing my Mom actually sleeping. Sometimes she'd doze off in a chair, but she was always up before me and in bed sometime after I went to sleep.

My Mom taught me my first Primary song- "The Golden Plates"- and taught me that Families can be together forever. She got me hooked on Saturday's Warrior and I have those songs on my iPod today.

She taught me that the greatest gift God ever gave her was her children. Because of her love for us all, I couldn't wait to be a Mom myself someday.

She had a laundry basket full of unmatched socks. Yup, I do, too. I know I should throw them away, but I keep thinking the mate will turn up somewhere.

She had a hard time letting go of me. I moved up to Weber State to start college, and she showed up two days later to "check on me". I was SO mad!! Man, I'd like to have that day back. I get it now. It's hard to let go of your daughter. I inherited that from my Mom.





My Mom passed away 22 years ago. I still miss her so much sometimes. I know she'd have been an awesome Grandma, and she would have loved my husband. She'd be proud of all of her kids and grandkids and I like to believe our babies will get to meet her someday.

Ashli and Mack's Wedding

There is no way I can express all my feelings about my only daughter's wedding in one blog entry. When I look back on Ashli's wedding, I will always remember the love and peace I felt. I certainly had moments of stress. We did everything from the engagement photos to the server aprons to the yard work ourselves. But every time it got to be a little bit overwhelming, someone would call or drop by with something we needed. My friend Jennifer called one day wondering if we could use some white flowers and greenery. Jolene dropped by and said she had round tables. Kelsey had table decorations and flowers for the arch. Lisa called, texted or Emailed atleast once a week even when it was mini-drill or when Macy was in ICU. Candy came over as soon as she got back to town after some stressful events in her own family.

Carrie Baxter and her Mom made Ashli's cake exactly the way she wanted it. They brought us a sample cake top the week before the wedding and showed up with this perfect cake a couple hours before the reception. We didn't have to worry about a thing.

Our friend Phil Harold hauled all of his DJ equipment to our home and provided the perfect background music for the reception as his gift to the bride and groom. He played "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw as Kurt danced with our daughter.

He played"Just Look at You Girl" by Chris LeDoux while Mack danced with his new wife, "After all These Years" by Journey while we old married couples danced, and"This is Where the Cowboy Rides Away" while Mack danced with his Mom, Amy, the amazing woman who came into Mike and Mack's life with aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandpas who surrounded Mack with love from the moment they met him.

My sister called me about a week before the wedding and said "I quit my job. I'm coming down to help you get ready." And on Monday morning, when Tami arrived in Nephi with extension cords and white lights, money to buy shepherd's hooks and a beautiful little girl with a heart as big as the ocean, I knew everything would be OK.

I'm the oldest, but Tami has always been our Mom. She and Brooklyn did everything that needed to be done the week before the wedding. I don't know how many times they raked up leaves and picked up plums and apples from the lawn only to have the wind come through and blow more down. So they'd start all over again. We did get the teenagers to help us a lot-Mav, Zack and Ty cleaned the "office",which is really just the room where we put every random stray item from our house- but Tami and Brooklyn were tireless.

On the day of the reception, my family just appeared out of nowhere and went to work. The men set up tables and chairs. Suzie sat out in the hot sun for hours and taped down tablecloths. Grandpa Peter used a log to pound holes with a metal rod for the tiki torches. Grandma Becca, Kylie and Amie decorated tables. Tawni made hundreds of little cucumber dill sandwiches. Joey helped the bride with her hair and me with my dress. I'd be busy with something, look up and see someone else I love there for me and Ash. Jade put on her flowery little server apron, Logan his usher tag. Throughout the reception, Tara and Anastyn would know just when to send a plate of brownies or drinks over to the line.

It was the Juab County Fair, so when I saw Lisa Woodland in the waiting room at the temple, I knew she'd made a sacrifice to be there- then Brett and Andrea, Vernice, Ben & Jerilyn, Travis & Taunya, Sam Memmott-all made the time to come to the reception even though they were busy with the Fair.

But perhaps the person who taught me the most about love and friendship throughout the whole wedding process was my friend Amanda. I found out about ten days before the wedding that our photographer wouldn't be able to do it. I knew we couldn't afford to hire some of the people she suggested we call, and I was worried about finding another photographer that close to the event. When I asked Amanda if there was any way she could do it, she didn't hesitate at all. She just said "Tell me what time and I'll be there". And I KNEW she would. I knew I didn't need to worry. I thought back to all the times that I hadn't been a very good friend to Amanda-the times that I took two or three days to return her calls, the times I asked her to hold Presidency meetings in her house with four babies under the age of 7. Yet here she was coming through for me at a time when I needed her most. So, at 1:30 in the morning, crying as I read and re-read a message from Amanda, I found out who my friends are. I didn't even know until four days after the wedding that Amanda's family was in the midst of preparations for Amanda's little sister to undergo surgery donating a kidney to her toddler son. She had every reason to tell us "No" when I asked her to be the wedding photographer, but there she was from dawn to dusk the day of the wedding.

When I saw this picture that Amanda captured of Ashli, I knew that noone else could have done it. Our photographer was someone who loves our family and she did an amazing job. She said her photography was her gift to Ashli. Wow! What an amazing gift-I have this moment captured forever of my gorgeous daughter as she stepped out of the Manti temple after being married for time and all eternity to the man she loves. And whether you believe in temple marriage or not, you can't help but see the radiance and peace on Ashli's face. I'm so proud of her for living her life the way she has, for finding a man who loves her enough to want to spend eternity with her. And I'm so glad I had the chance to learn so much about love and friendship from my friends and family as we planned this wedding.

I cried a lot on Ashli's wedding day, but in the end, as I danced in the arms of the man who helped me give her life, we just felt joy. We're so happy for our daughter and son-in-law and hope our next 20 years are as meaningful as the past 20 have been.

The Quest for the Dress

Ashli got engaged to Mackenzie Brown on Christmas Eve, 2008. We’ve sort of been looking at wedding dresses the past few months, but since the wedding isn’t until August 2009, we didn’t think we needed to be in any big hurry. Finally in June we got serious about finding a dress. Ashli and I went shopping on a few different occasions, and she liked a dress at Alysse’s Bridal, but I didn’t really love it. My friend Missy told me about a great dress shop in Salt Lake, and we got a list of places when we went to the Bridal Fair at Provo High School. We wanted her aunts and cousins to be involved in finding the dress, so we planned to go on Saturday, June 13, 2009 and find one. Tami and her family were staying with us the weekend of June 5-6, so Brooklyn and I made sashes for the people who would be dress shopping with us. “Mother of the Bride”, “Cousin of the Bride”, “Sister of the Groom”, etc.

Ashli and I knew that dress shopping can be a long day, so we decided to go to Salt Lake a few days early and try on dresses, hoping to narrow it down to a few choices before everyone gathered on Saturday. We started at Alysse’s in American Fork, where she tried on lots of dresses and ended up liking the same one she had tried on before. We had them hold that one for Saturday, then went to Salt Lake. We went to SO many stores, and found absolutely NOTHING. It was SO discouraging! Our last stop was at Latter Day Bride in the Gateway Mall. It had been a long day and we weren’t very hopeful, but when we got there, they pulled a few dresses for us. Ashli tried on ONE dress and fell in love with it. It was totally her. And it’s just like they said it would be. I didn’t care what the price tag said. She looked like a princess and I wanted to buy her that dress. But we still had the plan for everyone to shop with us on the 13th.

We still wanted everyone to be involved in the shopping, so we decided to have everyone go online at Latter Day Bride and vote for their favorite. Then we planned to have Ashli try on those dresses on Saturday, have a little prize to give the winner. We’re only like six or eight weeks out from the wedding, so when we got there on Saturday, they only pulled dresses that are in stock at the manufacturer. That narrowed the choices down considerably. Kurt and Amy both liked Luella, Tami and Elizabeth liked Francesca, Brooklyn liked Newport, Mikayla liked Nico, Paul and Michelle liked Morlotti., Mikkell, Sunshine, Crissa and Tawni all liked Vettori. None of those were in stock. So she tried on Oakely (Joey’s choice), Tacoma (Tyler LOVED this dress! Ashli felt so bad that it wasn’t her favorite), Lakewood (Tina’s choice), Santa Cruz (Mackenzie’s choice) and a few others from her list on Monday that she didn’t get to, including a beautiful dress called Ontario.

Amy and Makayla liked the Ontario. In the end, it came down to the one she had loved on Monday and the Ontario. She tried them both on several times, and had Kylie try on one of them while Ash tried on the other one, so she could see them side by side. When she put the Monday dress on one last time, she said “This is it”. I knew Monday that it was, but the whole process was so much fun. I loved having everyone involved in getting her Cinderella ball gown. I’m not putting up pictures of her in any of the dresses, because I don’t want Kenz to see her in ANY wedding dress before the wedding, and I’m not posting the name of the one she chose yet.

Mackenzie was such a good sport all day. He wore a blindfold every time she came out of the dressing room so he wouldn’t see her in any of the dresses.

We had planned on this whole thing being a “girls’ day” until I watched a show on TLC called “Say Yes to the Dress”. There was a big Greek family on that show, all at a shop with the bride trying on dresses. Brothers, sisters, Mom, Dad. And when she found “the” dress, Mom was worried about the price. And Dad said “We’ll get the dress”. Awe… I decided then to invite the men along, particularly Kurt. This is his only daughter and I knew he’d love to see her in her dresses and be part of the day.

Zack and Tyler were convinced to come along, too. It didn’t take much convincing for Ty, but Zack was not thrilled to be there.

Later we felt bad that we hadn’t invited Mack’s dad, Mike, too. He was home with Mack’s little brother Dallin, who has Cerebral Palsy, but they could have both been there. Amy married Mike when Mack was 9 years old. His Mom had died of cancer a few days before Mack turned 4 years old, so he spent a lot of time with his Grandma in Grantsville. When she passed away, too, Amy was such a blessing in Mack’s life. She is so good to him and everyone who knows them is so grateful that she came into both Mike and Mack’s lives when she did. I love her for coming to Salt Lake that day to be with us, especially since Mack and Ashli were the only two people she even knew. She’d never even met the rest of the crowd, and we can be a bit overwhelming when we sisters get together!

Tina and Zack had stopped at the Scottish Festival at Thanksgiving Point on the way up to Salt Lake that day, so we gave sashes to those who couldn’t make it to the dress shop later. Jade, Michelle, Willow and cousin Mikayla, not to be confused with Mack’s sister Makayla. Mik and Mak. They even look a bit alike. Jade was as thrilled with her little shiny sash as Zack was to be in a bridal shop, but they were both good sports about the whole thing.

In the end, we gave the prize pack to Makayla, since Ashli stuck with her original choice of dress and didn’t pick any of the ones that people voted for beforehand. She got a “Friends” wedding DVD, a bag of wedding mints, “hot tamales” and a big candy ring. Mack and Ashli took us all out to eat afterwards, but I don’t think they realized how much it would cost, so Kurt slipped Ashli some extra cash to help with the meal. It was a wonderful day and we’ll never forget it.

Perhaps the greatest show of support for Ashli came from Tami, Tawni and Brooklyn. There was a HUGE accident which closed I-80 that morning. So bad, in fact, that our friend Dave Nugent missed his father’s funeral because of the road closure. But Tami and Tawni were determined to get to Salt Lake, so they went over Butterfield Canyon in a pouring rainstorm. On the way over the mountain, Tami almost got in a collision with another vehicle, which ended up being Dave and Brooklyn. They had been in Ephraim watching Kylie at her basketball camp and they were headed back to Tooele. Brooklyn was thrilled to get out of Dave’s car and hop in with Tami, since she would have missed the dress shopping altogether. (And she’s the one who did the leg work on the sashes!) Ashli had been working in Ephraim that morning, so Kylie was with her. It meant a lot to all of us that they all went to such trouble to be there.

Race for the Cure 2009

On Saturday, May 9, 2009, we participated in the Race for The Cure in Salt Lake. Members of our family have been doing the race for the past nine years to honor our mom, Becky Callister, who died of breast cancer on November 24, 1987. It’s always the day before Mothers’ Day, and it’s become a special tradition for us to do this every May.

When we first started, just my sister Tami and I did the race. The race was up on Capitol Hill that year, around Memory Grove, and it was really gorgeous . The Salt Lake City Hoop -it -Up basketball tournament was always on the same weekend as the race, so we’d do the race then watch Kurt play basketball.

Eventually our daughters started doing the race with us, and we either walked or ran the 5K, depending on what kind of shape we were in that year. The year Ashli had rheumatic fever, we all took turns pushing her in her wheelchair, in a pouring rainstorm.

And slowly over the years, the rest of our families have started joining us, until this year we had 19 family members and 2 friends on our team “Becky’s Bunch”.

I try so hard to not get emotional about my Mom. She’s been gone almost 22 years and I’ve lived longer without her now than I did with her. But she never leaves me. I wish my younger brothers and sisters had known her better. I can’t even imagine how it must be for Tawni to not have known her much at all in the short nine years she had her. My Mom was there for my baptism, my first high school volleyball game, my last high school volleyball game, every Prom I went to, moving into my dorm at college, just everything. And my little sisters Tara and Tawni had none of that with her.

Yet, in spite of the fact that they basically grew up without a Mom, they are the most amazing Moms themselves! I am so proud of my brothers and sisters and the lives they lead. As we all got together last weekend and as I looked at the pictures afterward, I was struck by the thought that my Mom would be so proud of us all. We’re all so completely different from each other yet somehow over the years we’ve all managed to mesh our lives and become a strong team, there for each other. When somebody needs money, we manage to scrape up a few hundred dollars and help each other through a rough Christmas or pay a couple bills, or yes, even post bail once in a while;)

They roll their eyes and accept the fact that I pretend to be a good Mormon even though they all know I stop at Wal-Mart on my way out there for Sunday dutch ovens or barbecues. I roll my eyes and ask them to smoke on my back porch instead of my front porch, but the truth is, the older we get, our differences matter a lot less.

WOW! JADE AND HER DAD STAND EXACTLY THE SAME WAY!

..and then there's Ted....

What matters now is that we’re living past the age of 39, and every single day one of us outlives our Mom, it’s a bonus. A whole new chance to spend time with the people we love. I think somewhere in the back of our minds, we all kind of thought life ends at 39. And it’s so great to discover that it’s only just beginning- with weddings and grandkids and so much more in our futures, we have a lot ahead of us. Now if we could just get Hig to join us once in a while, life would be complete.