I am the Busiest Person Alive

I've been telling my kids for YEARS that I am the busiest person alive. 

But I really do feel like it right now. 

I get up early and get ready for my college classes. I'm a senior at Utah State University, but also taking a class at Snow College because tuition is cheaper, and I am passionate about Snow College. I love Snow.

So after school, I volunteer for 4 hours a week at Ephraim Elementary School, 6 hours a week at Snow College, work at Snow 5 hours a day, go to the gym as soon as I get off work, come home and study like crazy for my 20 credit hours of college classes, grab a bit of our Paleo diet dinner with my husband, read scriptures at 10:00 PM, sleep at about 11:30 after a bit more homework, get up and do it all again. Someone asked me the other day 

"How do you do it?" 

This is how. 

These two are pretty much my salvation. 

Ken does EVERYTHING around the house. Even scrubbed a toilet this past week. I couldn't do it without him. He fields all the apartment calls, does all the stuff that my anxiety prevents me from doing here in our 2nd job as managers of the apartment complex. 

 And when life gets to be too much, I just go visit Riken for a couple days. So when I get to have them both with me at the same time... HEAVEN!!! And then I get the bonus of spending time with these two as the icing on the cake...

 Mack and Ash are great together. They communicate well, love and respect each other, and absolutely adore this little man they brought into this world. 

I'm being kind of a crazy Mom about Zack's wedding. Why is it SO much harder to see your sons get married than your daughters? 

I love McKenna. I'm so glad she and Zack found each other and that they are excited to begin their lives together. So why am I acting all crazy about losing him? He's 22 years old, has lived without me for nearly 4 years now, and it makes no sense to me in my head that I am having a hard time with this. In my heart, though, I see me having to share him for the rest of his life and for some reason, it's harder than it was with Ashli. I think it's probably because 

" A son is a son til he takes a wife, 

A daughter's a daughter the rest of her life"

I guess I'm worried that the old saying is true.  The wedding plans are SO much different with a son than they were with a daughter. Particularly when you throw in the fact that all of the parents in the scenario are not married to each other anymore. It's weird and complicated, and I know I'm not doing everything right. But I love my son. I want him to be happy. I want to figure this all out and be a good Mom-in-law to a girl that I really do love without her feeling like I'm resentful that I'm kind of losing my son. 

So complicated. 

But I'm working on it. 

Along with all the other things I'm working on to be a better person. 

If you don't like how I look, please close your eyes

Yesterday....

I was notified that I made the Dean's List for only the second time in my entire collegiate career... now spanning a grand total of 28 years. This is a big deal to me. It's not easy and it's something I'm really proud of. I know, I know.. lots of people make the Dean's List semester after semester, but I don't. I work two jobs, teach youth at church, I'm still basically a newlywed wife (just over two years), we have 9 kids and 12 grandkids between us,  and to get a 3.5 in 15 or more credit hours in upper level courses takes a real effort. So, YAY ME!!! My husband was really proud of me, bragging it up all day. Thank you baby. 

But during a conversation last night, the only thing these people could focus on was that I need to lose weight. Yeah, I know. It's a battle I've fought my whole life, so tell me something I don't know. (Which won't be easy, because, you know, I made the Dean's List so I know A LOT! lol). I've done Atkins and The Fat Smash Diet and HCG and bought gym memberships and running shoes and, honestly, it is exhausting. I can eat the EXACT same foods as my 110 pound daughter and I look like me while she looks like her. I DID lose 35 pounds once in a combination of Atkins and going to the gym faithfully EVERY SINGLE MORNING at 5:30 for like 15 months. We were having a contest at work to see who could lose the  most weight, and I was really happy with the results I got, but it's not the thing I'm the MOST proud of in my whole life or anything. I of course gained it all back plus 12 more, so I tip the scale at 223 pounds now. Yes, I said it. There it is. For the first time in the history of the world, I have announced my weight out loud. Ken just lost 40 pounds since his knee surgery, so he's at 233. Yeah, I know. Nobody should weigh nearly as much as their husband. But I do. And I also know that I could change it by getting back to the gym every morning and skipping the treats he buys me, getting salads with no dressing while he has steak and baked potatoes. I could do it. If I really wanted to. But I don't necessarily WANT to. My blood pressure is good. My cholesterol is not of concern to my doctor. I've ALREADY lived 7 years longer than my Mom did, so every breath I take feels like a bonus to me now. I've never smoked a cigarette, and actually don't even drink soda anymore since last Friday. Woohoo. So, can I just be happy please? Ken fell in love with me at 203 pounds, so you know, a little less than this, but it doesn't seem like he's in any big hurry to trade in the 223 for a 203. Seeing as how his buying my treats and taking me out to dinner probably account for the 20 pounds anyway. 

Here's what is important to me. 

The babies have a soft, cuddly grandma who loves them SO much. I don't mind at all being their soft place to land. 

Until he learns differently from the world, this guy won't even THINK about how good or bad Grandma looks in her jeans. He just cares that I feed him and play with him and spoil him rotten every minute he spends with me. 

Oh, look... we both have gray hair, too. 

And I'm having the best sex of my life. (Sorry, kids). 

So, can we just focus on something OTHER than my dress size, please? 

I'm fine. If I want to change it, I will. Worry about something more important, would you? 

Thanks.