Unbroken

We went on a date with these two beautiful people last night. Ah, it was SO great to hang out with them. Zack works in the oil fields in North Dakota so he only comes home every few weeks, and I love it when we get to see him and his wife, McKenna. 

They gave us this beautiful picture of the Bountiful temple, where we were sealed in July, for Christmas. I love it so much! 

After a delicious dinner at Mi Ranch in Payson, we saw the movie "Unbroken" about Louie Zamperini. My biological grandfather, Ray Freston,  was a Japanese prisoner of war for 42 months. I never met him and consider Larry Swenson to be my grandfather, but as I watched the movie, I had to wonder if he was one of those men alongside Louie Zamperini during his imprisonment. My Grandma tells me that Ray had strength and intelligence, and I am so grateful to him when I see those same traits in my three amazing kids. 

#wcw

 As I sit here looking at the pictures of my sweet little sister sending her little girl off to Mexico on an airplane, I can't help but be so proud of the amazing women in my family. Tami basically raised all of us after our Mom died, even though I was the oldest. It's always emotional to send a missionary out, but even more so for Tami right now, and she's been amazing, strong and so supportive of Kylie's decision. My Grandma has had to endure the death of both of her parents on the same day, Valentine's Day, no less. She is one of the last two remaining siblings in a huge, loving family of 10 kids, she held my Grandpa in her arms as he died in their home, and she has had to bury 3 of her own 5 children. It's hard to understand why the Lord has asked so much of her. Tara. Oh, Tara. I'm not sure why, of all my Mom's 7 kids, she was the one I adopted as my own the minute she came home from the hospital, but, man, did I love that little girl. Tara has the most open, welcoming home of anyone I've ever known, and she doesn't define family by bloodlines. I tell her all the time that I want to be more like her, and some of the proudest moments I've had in the past two years are times when I've been able to face situations in the way that she taught me to do by her example. Tawni... for five years, I watched her heartache and anguish as she wanted so badly to be a Mom, and it just wasn't happening for her. When her amazing three boys finally joined her family one after another, she did and still does cherish each and every moment with them, knowing better than anyone what a precious blessing it is to be a Mom. Every decision Tawni makes is one that will best benefit her cute little family and the older she gets, the more she reminds me of our Mom. Sweet little Tawni gets so fired up about baseball games, it's just like watching Becky at the ball park. And Suzie is just finally starting to come out of the shell that life had given her, working on her Master's degree and learning that she CAN do hard things, living on her own and being exactly who our Heavenly Father wanted her to be. I remember so well how great it was to spend the night at Aunt Suzie's when I was a little girl. Then when life was so hard for me after Mom died, she welcomed me into her home in Spokane where I was able to regroup and get it together. Thank you Suzie. There are some who aren't in the picture, too, like my precious, beautiful daughter Ashli, my new daughter- in -law McKenna, sisters-in-law Joey and Michelle, Carreen, who is really too young to be my aunt, and of course my Aunt Joey and sweet Mom who have both passed away. I love this family and I'm SO proud to come from a long line of strong, courageous and determined women, and so glad that the line continues with the new women who come along. We're pretty awesome.

Crazy busy here. Zack is getting married in six days!!! 

So, being the emotional Momma that I am, I cry a lot. Thinking about the little 1st grade boy who missed me so much every day that Mrs. Fowkes suggested I spray a little card with my perfume so he could subtly carry it in his pocket at school.  I'm a little melancholy this week.

And wishing that THIS guy could be here for his big brother's wedding. 

I miss Ty SO MUCH this week. He's been out in the mission field nearly 8 months and it really is going by quickly, but there are days when my heart just aches from missing him so much. 

Weren't they the cutest little things??? 

Oh, I love being a Mom so much. 

Being a grandma is pretty cool, too. 

My Jeep...:(

I sold my Jeep today:( It was the right thing to do, and it really was amazing that I sold it after only having it listed for ONE day. We really want to buy a home and we really didn't need the Jeep or the payment. BUT.... I miss it more than I thought I would. I remember the day Ken brought it home and I fell so in love with it, I said "Whatever it takes... I REALLY want this." So he bought it for me. 

He had Roxanne make me a big pink butterfly for the back window, bought me pink seat covers, and gave me my very own car, the only one I've had since my Chevy Sprint when I was like 19 years old. 

So I'll miss it. 

But WAY hoping the house works out. Totally worth it if it does. We've been in these apartments for nearly three years and it's time for us to be grown ups again.

It's been a really emotional week.  Not just the Jeep. So I'm kind of a crybaby tonight. Ken promises me that everything will be OK. With college, the kids, the whole works. So I guess I'm just going to have to trust him. And THAT, my friends, is a very good feeling:) 

I am the Busiest Person Alive

I've been telling my kids for YEARS that I am the busiest person alive. 

But I really do feel like it right now. 

I get up early and get ready for my college classes. I'm a senior at Utah State University, but also taking a class at Snow College because tuition is cheaper, and I am passionate about Snow College. I love Snow.

So after school, I volunteer for 4 hours a week at Ephraim Elementary School, 6 hours a week at Snow College, work at Snow 5 hours a day, go to the gym as soon as I get off work, come home and study like crazy for my 20 credit hours of college classes, grab a bit of our Paleo diet dinner with my husband, read scriptures at 10:00 PM, sleep at about 11:30 after a bit more homework, get up and do it all again. Someone asked me the other day 

"How do you do it?" 

This is how. 

These two are pretty much my salvation. 

Ken does EVERYTHING around the house. Even scrubbed a toilet this past week. I couldn't do it without him. He fields all the apartment calls, does all the stuff that my anxiety prevents me from doing here in our 2nd job as managers of the apartment complex. 

 And when life gets to be too much, I just go visit Riken for a couple days. So when I get to have them both with me at the same time... HEAVEN!!! And then I get the bonus of spending time with these two as the icing on the cake...

 Mack and Ash are great together. They communicate well, love and respect each other, and absolutely adore this little man they brought into this world. 

I'm being kind of a crazy Mom about Zack's wedding. Why is it SO much harder to see your sons get married than your daughters? 

I love McKenna. I'm so glad she and Zack found each other and that they are excited to begin their lives together. So why am I acting all crazy about losing him? He's 22 years old, has lived without me for nearly 4 years now, and it makes no sense to me in my head that I am having a hard time with this. In my heart, though, I see me having to share him for the rest of his life and for some reason, it's harder than it was with Ashli. I think it's probably because 

" A son is a son til he takes a wife, 

A daughter's a daughter the rest of her life"

I guess I'm worried that the old saying is true.  The wedding plans are SO much different with a son than they were with a daughter. Particularly when you throw in the fact that all of the parents in the scenario are not married to each other anymore. It's weird and complicated, and I know I'm not doing everything right. But I love my son. I want him to be happy. I want to figure this all out and be a good Mom-in-law to a girl that I really do love without her feeling like I'm resentful that I'm kind of losing my son. 

So complicated. 

But I'm working on it. 

Along with all the other things I'm working on to be a better person. 

If you don't like how I look, please close your eyes

Yesterday....

I was notified that I made the Dean's List for only the second time in my entire collegiate career... now spanning a grand total of 28 years. This is a big deal to me. It's not easy and it's something I'm really proud of. I know, I know.. lots of people make the Dean's List semester after semester, but I don't. I work two jobs, teach youth at church, I'm still basically a newlywed wife (just over two years), we have 9 kids and 12 grandkids between us,  and to get a 3.5 in 15 or more credit hours in upper level courses takes a real effort. So, YAY ME!!! My husband was really proud of me, bragging it up all day. Thank you baby. 

But during a conversation last night, the only thing these people could focus on was that I need to lose weight. Yeah, I know. It's a battle I've fought my whole life, so tell me something I don't know. (Which won't be easy, because, you know, I made the Dean's List so I know A LOT! lol). I've done Atkins and The Fat Smash Diet and HCG and bought gym memberships and running shoes and, honestly, it is exhausting. I can eat the EXACT same foods as my 110 pound daughter and I look like me while she looks like her. I DID lose 35 pounds once in a combination of Atkins and going to the gym faithfully EVERY SINGLE MORNING at 5:30 for like 15 months. We were having a contest at work to see who could lose the  most weight, and I was really happy with the results I got, but it's not the thing I'm the MOST proud of in my whole life or anything. I of course gained it all back plus 12 more, so I tip the scale at 223 pounds now. Yes, I said it. There it is. For the first time in the history of the world, I have announced my weight out loud. Ken just lost 40 pounds since his knee surgery, so he's at 233. Yeah, I know. Nobody should weigh nearly as much as their husband. But I do. And I also know that I could change it by getting back to the gym every morning and skipping the treats he buys me, getting salads with no dressing while he has steak and baked potatoes. I could do it. If I really wanted to. But I don't necessarily WANT to. My blood pressure is good. My cholesterol is not of concern to my doctor. I've ALREADY lived 7 years longer than my Mom did, so every breath I take feels like a bonus to me now. I've never smoked a cigarette, and actually don't even drink soda anymore since last Friday. Woohoo. So, can I just be happy please? Ken fell in love with me at 203 pounds, so you know, a little less than this, but it doesn't seem like he's in any big hurry to trade in the 223 for a 203. Seeing as how his buying my treats and taking me out to dinner probably account for the 20 pounds anyway. 

Here's what is important to me. 

The babies have a soft, cuddly grandma who loves them SO much. I don't mind at all being their soft place to land. 

Until he learns differently from the world, this guy won't even THINK about how good or bad Grandma looks in her jeans. He just cares that I feed him and play with him and spoil him rotten every minute he spends with me. 

Oh, look... we both have gray hair, too. 

And I'm having the best sex of my life. (Sorry, kids). 

So, can we just focus on something OTHER than my dress size, please? 

I'm fine. If I want to change it, I will. Worry about something more important, would you? 

Thanks.